An Infinite Improbability
by walkingcensure
Summary: [COMPLETE] I had figured out a long time ago that I was a lost case. I was doomed to fall for one Lily Evans, who hated me with every inch of her being. A healthy relationship between us was simply just--and I say this miserably--an infinite improbability
1. The Joke's On Me

**Disclaimer:** The characters, Hogwarts, the wizarding world, the features of the wizarding world…not mine. Every root leads up to JK Rowling.

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**An Infinite Improbability**

Somehow, for some reason or another, I had figured out by myself—a very long time ago—that I was a completely lost case. I was doomed…doomed to fall for someone who never really thought of me as a person who had enough heart to actually fall in love. Come to think of it, she didn't even think I had any feelings to begin with.

As it turned out, I did have feelings, I did have a heart, and I _was_ capable of falling in love. Unfortunately for her—and for me—I fell in love with, well, _her_. Dandy, isn't it?

Lily Evans had always been a pretty sight. I knew that right from the start, but if you had told me a couple of years ago I would fall for such a girl, I would have walked off laughing and telling everyone I met that you were a downright clown. Actually, a lunatic was probably what I'd have gone with. But then it turns out, you would have been right after all. And _I_ was the lunatic.

The joke is on me. _James Potter, the joke is on your bloody, godforsaken self._

Well, I started asking her out at the start of our fourth year. Just for fun. Remus was against it of course, saying that it was not right to go around telling girls we liked them then leaving them a couple of days later. I wondered why he said that though, because never in my life have I done something so morally wrong. I could tell you about Sirius though, but it would take us roughly about a day or two…or three (and that's not counting our sleeping time, lunch, and tea—I need my tea).

Evans… or Lily… refused every plea, every request—just blatantly refused everything from me. She probably even rejected me in her dreams. Something that would normally be accounted as a nightmare for me was probably a fantasy for her. But let's not talk about that. It's not very pleasant.

It was now nearing Christmas. I'll be staying at Hogwarts with the Marauders (myself, and three other blokes…they're very insignificant, really) of course. There are still so many things we need to venture upon; time was running out. We had but a mere six months left until we're done with our seventh year. Then that'll be it. Goodbye to the good ol' salad days. Goodbye to the secret passageways, to the excessive pranking, to inter-house Quidditch championships… Worst of all, it's goodbye to Lily.

But that's not very pleasant either… I keep wandering over to the horrid aspects of my life. I'm not exactly one to indulge in things that I didn't like but couldn't change. But when it comes to—

"Prongs!"

I swiveled around in my seat. "What are you doing here?" I hadn't realized someone had entered the room. Didn't even hear the door open.

Sirius frowned. "Don't act like you own the place. It's my room, too, you know," he said, before throwing me my coat. "I came to save you from your, er, whatever it is you're having… your, uhm, brooding episode… or something…"

I raised my eyebrows and stood up from my bed and strode over to the window. "Hey, it's snowing." But then that didn't cheer me up so much, which came to me as a big surprise.

"Yeah, I was just gonna tell you that. Remus and Peter are outside. We figured a snowball fight wasn't as much fun without a deer, so I came up to force you to come down there and stop being morose."

I turned and glared at him. "A stag, Padfoot. I'm a bloody stag. And I'm not being morose!"

He smiled. "I knew that."

I shuffled around in my trunk. Wore a bunch of heavy winter clothes, along with the coat that he gave me, and went for the door. I could almost feel Sirius smiling behind me. Then, he said, "By the way Prongs, I just heard, Lily Evans is staying for Christmas."

Freeze. Breath. Smile. Now there's something pleasant.

I didn't look back so Sirius didn't see the humungous grin plastered on my face. But he seemed to have known that I liked that bit of info. I suppose the spring in my step was a tad too dynamic after all, despite the fact that I was trying my hardest to make it discreet.

Weeeell… that's just a taste of what my one-of-a-kind, green-eyed, feisty, little monster can do to people. She'll make you happy, hiss at you, drive you nuts, and sometimes, if you're lucky, she'll even rip out your ventricles, stomp on your arteries, gut your atrium, and cleave your aorta. She'll just completely… tear your heart to pieces.

It stings quite sharply, really.

…I don't know how and I don't know why, but by golly, she must have done something weird with _this_ heart… Oooh yeah… weird indeed.

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Hope that was worth a review.

It was a sudden idea to write something about Lily and James and I didn't really have time to run over this. So…well…there's my start. I'll be posting the next chapter at some point. Hopefully this weekend.

And I promise they'll be longer.


	2. A Strange New Person

**An Infinite Improbability**

            I had seriously doubted James Potter's credibility ages ago. Of course, I was right to have doubted. Potter has not a scrap of sincerity in him whatsoever.

            I was greatly surprised when I learned that he was going to be working alongside me as a Head Student this year. It was preposterous. Dumbledore always has his reasons, of course. 

That was what I willed myself to believe when I first heard the news. 

            But now, after four months of being back at Hogwarts, I had rarely ever seen Potter doing any of his duties at all. Dumbledore may have his reasons for most things, but not _all_ things. The idea of making Potter Head Boy is ludicrous! It is beyond reason! He is still the same as before. Not to be trusted with anything that required responsibility. Not to be trusted to do something as simple as doing rounds. Not to be trusted with watching over students for a couple of minutes (in case you wanted them swimming in syrup, of course). Not to be trusted with showing up for classes prepared—homework and all. And most of all, not to be trusted by me. 

            Not that I never tried to be civil to him. I did. I even went as far as trying to actually trust him. I was maybe hoping for some sort of hidden angelic persona to suddenly emerge from his laid-back and negligent outline. 

Well, I tried. 

            I've always dreamed of the day when I would finally be able to talk to him like I would with other people—and not want to strangle him while he stood smiling idly at me. I would have liked to at least have him look me in the eye and smile his real smile. The one he uses when he's around his friends. The one that wasn't pretentious, or haughty, or superior. Just a normal, human smile. The one smile that would make me want to smile back.

            However, as of late, he seemed to have lost his vigor. I don't remember him asking me out since we came back from the summer. Not once. He hasn't even tried to persuade me to profess my _supposedly_ undying love for him in public. It was a change; I loved it. I found that he wasn't as unpleasant as before. I shouted at him less. I glared at him less. And I didn't have to address him at all. Not that I didn't want to talk to him. It was just that every time I do, I feel that it's my duty to call him 'Potter'. I have not an inkling of a clue why, but that was just how it was. He calls me Evans, fine! I'm calling him Potter! 

I didn't like that, though. Thus, my reluctance to having to talk to him and call him that.

            I like his name. James. It's such a shame I might never have a chance to say it. It's also such a shame I might never, in my life, hear him call me by _my_ name. 

I mean, exactly how hard was it? For heaven's sake, it's four letters! Lily. That simple. I expect it'd sound lovely. But I also expect the moment he'd say it was the moment I agree to go out with him.

But then, if he _does_, by any chance, call me Lily, I think I probably _would_ agree to go out with him….

I'll try to consider that.

I heard the door squeak open. I sat up immediately. It was probably just Remus though. Always checking the billboard for Prefect assignments. Now if only James was anything like—

"Evans," mumbled an unruffled, low voice.

            I had to blink twice. Perhaps I had my eyes closed too long while daydreaming. I seem to be having a hallucination.

            Never in my life have I seen James Potter inside the Head Room. Of course, Head Students and Prefects were all expected to, at some point, visit the Head Room. But I _never_ imagined I would actually see James _in_ here.

            He nodded at me. He didn't smile. Just nodded. Nodded as if to say that he was there, I was there, let's get on with our lives. He looked around. "Nice place," I heard him mumble.

            "You should have known that four months ago," I mumbled back, though very quietly. But he apparently still heard me, because he looked at me again and smiled. A weak smile. This was not the smile I wanted. 

            "I just wanted to see the list of students staying for Christmas. Remus said it would be here."

            I looked at him for a second more before pointing to a piece of paper tacked to the corkboard behind a long wooden table, where I would usually find some prefects studying. Trying to get away from their common rooms, or not wanting to go to the library. 

He nodded again and went to the table in three strides. I wish _I_ could do that. But I didn't have legs nearly as long as his.

            He took the paper off the wall, whisked a chair out from under the table, and sat, tilting the chair a little so it stood on two legs. He stared at the parchment. I saw his eyebrows rise slightly and his lips slowly curve into a smile. I looked away when I realized that I was watching him.

            "What, Potter," I said. "Deciding on what prank would be most suitable for a certain amount of people?"

            He sighed and said, "Not really. But there's an idea."

            I rolled my eyes at him. 

            "So," he said, looking around the sizable room again. "Pretty nice place. You're always here?"

            I watched him. Maybe this was the civil conversation I had been hoping for. Or, well, I can try and turn it into one. "Pretty much. The common room's always noisy. And there's no point in going to the library when there's a whole section of books here too. Of course it's not half as much as what's in the library, but it's a start. And, except for a few times when some prefects drop by, I have the room to myself."

            James nodded. "Well, you make it sound so nice, I think I'm gonna start hanging out here too."

            I didn't really care. If he messes around, I'd just shut myself inside the smaller room that branched off from the Head Room. It's the actual—I guess you could say 'headquarters' of the Head Boy and Girl. I was the only one who knew the password though. Professor McGonagall told me to tell James. But I _conveniently_ forgot. I know it's not right. But I figured I needed _my_ own share of rule breaking. 

            He looked at me and decided that I wasn't riled with what he had said. He smiled. It didn't entirely reach his eyes, but it was nicer than before. "So," he said. "You're staying for Christmas?"

            "Yeah."

            "Why?"

            "No reason. Probably just wanting to savor my last year here."  

            He didn't seem very happy. I was thinking he would probably comment on what I said. He didn't. He nodded again. What's up with all the nodding?

            He took off an imaginary hat and bowed. He looked up, put the nonexistent hat back on, smiled, and left. 

            I continued staring at the door even after he was gone. 

            That young man who just left with the messy black hair, tall frame, and hazel eyes…

Who was he, and what did he do to James? 

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Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews! They almost gave me a heart attack! That was the most reviews I have _ever_ had for just one chapter! 

Thank you! 

I almost died. :o)


	3. Why did I have to ask?

**An Infinite Improbability**

            It was nearing 6:30 by the time I got back to the common room after my brief sojourn at the Head Room. And the fact that there were only five Gryffindors left at Hogwarts was starting to sink in. 

The place was dead quiet.

I wondered where the three gits were. They couldn't possibly be in the snow still.  

I sat down in front of the fire and absently picked up an old Daily Prophet. The date read _20 December 1972_. Two days ago. The headline screamed at me. **Death Eaters assail Bristol**. I felt a feeble sense of trepidation. I tried to heighten the fear. I though that maybe, if I was scared out of my wits, I'd find it easier to not think about Lily.

I snorted out loud. Right. Nice try though.

I wanted to stay in the Head Room. I really did. But there's just something about Lily that makes me want to hang about and scamper off at the same time. At that moment though, the initiative of dashing off sounded more convivial. But now that I'm here in this desolately empty common room, I want to go back there. …Or Lily could just materialize out of thin air. Either way would be good. Just as long as she's within my field of view, I'll be fine.

I stood up again, threw the Daily Prophet aside, and decided that I was on a mission. Those bloody marauders haven't been telling me what they've been up to, and they bloody well should have a good reason for it. 

I left the common room and passed by two sixth year Slytherins, who I glared at. What do they think they're doing up here? Slytherins don't have any business walking around the corridor of the Gryffindor common room. They are most unwelcome.

I saw one of them look up and sneer at me.

Scum.

Just then I saw Sirius emerge from the stairs I was about to descend upon. I frowned at him, just to see what his reaction would be.

He smiled. I sighed. Bloody wanker's always so inattentive. 

"Where have you been?" I asked.

"Kitchen."

"Where are Moony and Pete?"

"Kitchen," he said simply, then added, "And Prongs, when you use one Marauder name, you don't follow it with a name-name. It's improper."

I rolled my eyes. "Marauders are supposed to be improper."

"Improper to most things. But not to the Maraudering rules, Prongs. Never to the Maraudering rules," he said as he started walking to the common room. I did the same. 

"And since when did we establish these Maraudering rules you talk about?"

"Since the very start, mate. It's just not declared. Not official. It's a tacit understanding between us fine-looking barmy men."

"We're not barmy."

"Not barmy? Well, you just proved you are by thinking that you're not."

I sighed. Sirius and his mind games. "But to actually be able discern my level of sanity proves _you_ unbarmy," I said. 

"Unbarmy is not a word."

"It is now."

He turned, glared, and continued walking. I smiled. 

After a while, he said, "So how'd Lily welcome you into her humble abode?"

"Fairly well. She even pointed out where the list was. I was thinking she'd probably tell me to look for it myself, seeing as I have an entirely functional bespectacled set of eyes."

"I see," said Sirius, pausing in front of the portrait hole. "Hostility level dropping, eh? Nice one, chum. So what did you then?"

"Chizpurfle," I said to the fat lady in pink (whose name is still unknown), who smiled and swung open. "I asked her why she's staying for Christmas, I got an answer, and I ran off."

Sirius clambered in through the hole then stared at me. 

"What?" I asked. I have a little issue with stares at the moment. But at any other time, I'd gladly accept them.

"You ran off? Why?"

I shrugged. "Finding that out would be a blinding success."

Sirius sat down on a couch, picked up the Daily Prophet I was looking at a while ago, took a glimpse at it, puckered brow, and chucked it into the fire in front of him. I sat down on the other end of the couch.

"James," he said. "Should I taunt you about it or is this the time to be sober?"

The portrait hole swung open again and Remus and Peter came in. Apparently, we could be heard from outside, because Remus started pleading with us. "No one is to be unsober 'til Christmas. Please. Do it as a Christmas present for me. I'm tired of having to tend to you drunken prats."

Sirius grimaced. "Unsober is not a word."

"It is now."

Sirius huffed and swore. "What is it with you people and the prefix 'un'?"

"It's to annoy you, Padfoot," said Peter.

"Yes. We take unutterable and unimaginable pleasure in seeing you unbelievably unblissful."

Sirius gave Remus an exasperated look. "Unfunny."

Peter laughed and said, "Hey, you're getting the gist of it."

The two newcomers sat down opposite us. "So did you get to see the list, James?" asked Remus.

"Yeah."

"And was Lily there?"

I nodded. 

He smiled. "What happened?"

"Why is everyone so interested?"

Remus turned inquiringly at Sirius, who happily gave them a quick summary. "He didn't stay long. He didn't even try anything. He ran off. Scampered away. He has no idea why he did. And now he's sulking."

That made me sound like a wimp. 

That's my best mate for you.

"How deep are you in James?" asked Peter.

Sirius snorted and answered for me. "Way down under, Pete. Waaaaaay down under." 

Way down under is dead right.

"And sinking more and more every second," he added. 

Why does Sirius keep pointing out things that I'm trying to deny? And how can he say that? I haven't even officially declared that I have long since fallen in love with Lily Evans. Is he just unaware of my misery or is he really that unpleasant?

"Well," Remus said. "If it's any consolation, I want to remind you that she's much less unreceptive nowadays. It's a start." 

"Yeah, I'm at the start," I said. "Question is how many _light years_ will I have to travel to reach the finish line."

Sirius smiled. "You know, even when you're being negative, you're amusing. This is exactly why you're my friend."

I wedged my hands behind my head as I leaned back on the couch. "Evans is so different. _Why_ is she different from everyone else…"

"Genetic material…perhaps?" 

Bloody Remus. 

"DNA," said Peter. "Nasty buggers." 

Sirius shook his head. "Not really, Wormtail. DNA is a wonderful thing. Take me as an example. My DNA is perfect. If DNA didn't have an extremely wide variation and inconsistency, everyone would be just like me. Perfect. If that happens, I wouldn't be considered perfect anymore, as everyone else _is_ perfect. Therefore perfection would be universal. That would make _me_ common, ordinary, average. Sirius the Average. It doesn't sound good. Oh no. Sirius the Above Average is so much better. Actually, scratch that. It's Sirius the Waaaay Beyond Above Average."

We stared. "Right," I said. "Well…someone likes himself a bit too much."

"Obviously," mumbled Remus. "Anyway," he continued. "I was thinking of sneaking off to Hogsmeade tomorrow. I still haven't got my mum a Christmas present. What say you?"

"Oh good," piped Sirius. "I was just thinking of doing the same thing."

Peter stared. "You're planning on buying your mum a gift?"

"My," I said. Sardonically, mind you. "How thoughtful."

"No, gits. I meant going to Hogsmea—"

The portrait had swung open. Only one other Gryffindor was at Hogwarts at the moment. 

I braced myself.

There was a sudden blur of greetings.

Sirius (a little too enthusiastically while flailing his arms madly in an insane wave): "Oh. Hey!"

Remus (in his oh-so-Remus self): "Lily. Hi."

Peter (probably couldn't think of another greeting): a chuckle, a grin.

Myself: Well, I nodded…

Sirius groaned audibly and buried his face in a nearby pillow, sniggering madly.

I wanted to thump him. Remus straightened up, looking like he was trying very hard not to roll his eyes at Sirius. Peter just watched. Silent man, good ol' Petey.

Lily smiled. "Hi." That's a nice voice. Yes, very nice I think…

"Well," Remus said. "Care to join us for dinner? We're going down right now."

Oh yeah… dinner with Lily. Good thinking Remy. There's a real friend.

Lily looked as though she was on the verge of saying yes. But she seemed suspicious.

"We're not up to anything," I said. "You don't have to be so chary. And besides, we're the only Gryffindors left here. Surely you don't want to have such a lonely dinner alone."

She smiled slightly. "Okay. Sure."

Sirius looked up at me and wiggled his eyebrows. Git. It was dinner… for Christ's sake.

"Brilliant. Let's go then." Trust Remus to keep things moving.

"Yes," I said. "Let's."

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            Dinner that night was a weird affair. The four of us have eaten meals with a lot of girls before. But never with Lily Evans.

            We barely talked. Then after we all finished, we just looked at each other, got up at the same time, and headed for the common room. 

            Eerie…

            "So…anyone up for a game of chess?" I was surprised with my bravery. But what's so wrong with it anyway? I'm not awful at it. I don't think I'd be able to make a fool of myself in front of Lily with such a harmless round of wizard chess.

            Sirius beamed. But his reply struck me as very unfriendly. "Nope. Sorry mate. I'm dead tired."

            Remus nodded. "Exhausted."

            Please don't tell me they're really going to do this to me…

            Peter plowed on. "Yep. Dead beat."

            They can't leave me with Lily…I'll stutter…I'll sweat…

            I could have cried out right then…

            I'm SUCH a WIMP!!!

            But then Lily hasn't really said anything yet. Maybe she doesn't even want to play. Maybe she's tired too. Or maybe she'll at least pretend to be tired. Just to get out of it.

            "Maybe Lily'll join you though, James…"

            Every head turned to Lily. 

            She looked surprised. "Oh. Um, yeah, okay."

            I think I'm gonna faint. No…I can't faint. Men don't faint.

            But as Sirius, Remus and Peter disappeared up the stairs, and Lily slumped down on the rug in front of the fire, setting up the board…

            Why am I being such a wimp? I can handle myself. It's alone time with Lily. I might even score…

            Who am I kidding? I might just as well ask her to give me a piggyback ride around the field.

            She looked up at me curiously. "Are you playing or are you too tired as well?"

            "What? Oh." I sat down opposite her. "Well, you move first."

            She did move first. Then I went. She looked up at me again. She looked like she was trying hard not to burst out laughing. She looked back at the board just as her pawn massacred mine.

            I made that move? I swear to God I moved the _other_ pawn. There must be something wrong with my eyes. Wait, there _is_ something wrong with my eyes. _That's why you're wearing glasses, stupid._

            Lily looked up at me again. "I know for a fact that you're not dumb. So are you just ill, or are you trying to lose on purpose? If you are, try to make it a little subtle. You're insulting me." She smiled.

I looked down at the ruined pawn. It was too funny. I smiled. She smiled even more. "Sorry, I was a bit dazed."

About twenty minutes later, she won. Damn. So much for impressing her.

"I'm not going down like this," I said. "Fancy another round?"

I lost again. I looked disbelievingly up at her and shook my head. "This just got personal. We're playing again."

Well, I at least won the third game. 

"Bruised ego restored to health?" she asked.

I glanced at my watch. It was nearing eleven. I was tired too. I figured my brain was too worn out for another round that I just might lose again. And I couldn't take any more shame.

"It's not exactly that healthy but I think its condition will do for now."

"What's your excuse?"

"Scared."

She looked surprised. She was probably expecting some smart ass pretext. Not the truth. I stood up and sat down on the couch. The rug was getting a bit uncomfortable.

"Why did you stay for Christmas, Evans? I mean, what are you _really_ doing here?"

She seemed startled by my question. She was silent for a moment. Then said, "I've told you already."

"But you were lying before."

She looked almost defiantly at me. "I'm trying to stay away from my sister." 

It was my turn to be startled now. I wasn't really expecting the true answer. Not so soon at least. But she just told me. Just like that. I stared at her. I didn't even know she had a sister. "Why?"

"She doesn't want me around. It irritates the hell out of her." She was almost whispering.

I frowned. "Why?"

She frowned at me but answered nonetheless. "She doesn't like me. It's because of this." She looked around the room. "Because of me being here. Because I'm a witch. I don't want my sister to hate me. But I can't just give all this up." She smiled heartlessly and gave a small laugh. "She thinks I'm a freak."

I didn't think it was funny. She didn't dare look at me. She just fussed with the chess players. I slumped back down on the rug. I just might be uncovering something here. Not that I'm trying to play detective or anything. I just want to know why she was telling me this. Does she trust me or something? 

If I weren't such a coward, I would have hugged her. But why the hell am I being a coward anyway? I don't think she'll hex me or anything. So it's not fear of getting murdered…

Maybe I'm just scared that if I did hug her, I might never let go…

She looked up. _Say something, James!_

I just stared. Great. But then I noticed a tear down her cheek. She quickly wiped it off and stood up. "You have to remember that the queen is the most versatile player in a chess board, Potter. Use it more often."

She stalked off.

I could have wept on the spot. I wanted to storm up to her dormitory and squeeze her. Tell her I'm sorry about her sister. About how I've been for the past few years. Sorry for being a prat. I'll call her _Lily_. And I'll tell her I fancy her. I'll tell her I _love_ her.

I made my way up to my dormitory, and then knocked my head on the door.

If you can't deal with depression, never play chess against the person you're madly in love with.

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Thank you so much everyone who reviewed chapters 1 and 2

**Alex – **my first reviewer! You were a lucky starter. Thank you!

**Brynne **- sorry, I didn't include the snowball fight. I _will_ try to raise a snow war though. A childish one.

**Daintress – **thank you! all your fics looked good I had a little trouble picking which one to read first. I'll put up a review soon…

**JulesFelton - **/giggles/ thank you…

**Kait – **yay! You reviewed both chapter! I took a look at some of your fics by the way… good stuff…****

**Marauder – **thank you… here's more….

**SillieSary – **it's longer now…

**Cowgirl Up - **/chuckles/ I'm making James suffer…

**Ashibi – **I don't mean to encourage it, but I like it when your cranky… hehe…

**Nat – **thank you so much…I feel special…

**Penguin'n'Tales – **all the nodding james did _was_ a bit weird, huh…

**Diana – **I hope this update was soon enough… I didn't want you to cry…

**LogicalRaven – **thank you. and don't worry. I try to update as much as I can.

Swishy Willow Wand – thank you! 

**Ltnikki – **I hope James sounded brighter here…thanks for mentioning that…****

**MC **(hehe…Darren's sister was a coincidence, I swear) – thank you! And it _is_ getting reviews! Makes me wanna dance!

**Emma-Leah** – thank you! I can't seem to find your story though…


	4. Hogsmeade, Marauders Style

**An Infinite Improbability**

"Righty-ho, then!" Sirius thrust up his arm, finger pointing toward the Three Broomsticks. "To Rosie's we go!"

James shook his head and turned to look at me. "He's not normally this obnoxious. Or bouncy. Usually a bit easier to cope with."

I turned to stare up at him. "And I suppose you're lying?"

He looked back at the path we were trudging through and smiled, nodding. "I suppose I am."

………

That morning, I woke up and wondered for a moment why it was so calm before remembering that I was the only person in the dormitory. I got up miserably, took a nice hot shower to freshen up, and ate a ham sandwich—actually, that's two ham sandwiches. The rest of the day, as I had previously decided during the late hours I spent awake the night before, was to be spent curled up in front of the fire accompanied by a good book I have yet to read. It was also dedicated to several bouts of shame and sulking every time I remember what I had done the night before. It wasn't exactly a huge ghastly misdemeanor. It was only playing chess with James, who I had consequently decided was a person I should avoid playing chess with. 

            It had been going quiet well actually. I even thought we were actually having a good time. But I suppose things were just getting too friendly that it just had to be ruined by something. Like, say, me crying. Yes, I believe that would ruin a wonderful moment quite adequately. And, needless to say, ruin it did.

            I keep telling myself that it was just one tear that I had quickly brushed away. But what if I hadn't? What if I just bawled right there in front of him about how I was avoiding my sister, who quite evidently detests me with all the heart she has? What would have happened then? Would he have comforted me? Or would he have thought that I was a freakish crybaby?

            But anyway, the point here really is that I had not planned on going to Hogsmeade on such a cold weather. I rarely did that. But the fact that I was out strolling down the road to Hogsmeade on a frozen day was nothing compared to the absurdity of the fact that I was out strolling down the road to Hogsmeade on a frozen day _with the Marauders_. 

            Of course, to have James Potter walk beside me and pretend that nothing had happened the previous night after the chess game was even more bizarre. Unnerving, really.

………

            Sirius, Remus, and Peter walked a few yards ahead of us, consciously aware of the fact that they were leaving behind them an empty, silent, and awkward procession.

            I struggled to think of a question. No, not the weather. That would be pathetic. Not Quidditch; I barely know my teams, nor do I know a lot about broomsticks. So I just went with a question that Lily Evans—that is to say myself—would be typically heard asking. "So…" I started. Lamely. "Um. Are we even allowed to be out here? I mean, you _did_ ask for permission from McGonagall, right? Or even declare to one of the staff that you're going whether they like it or not, and there's nothing they can do to stop you…?"

            Slowly, he turned his head to glance briefly at me. His mouth was opened slightly, puffs of breath visibly coming out from between his two recently moistened parted lips.

            "From that face, I'm deducing you didn't. I think you should've."

            "I think I really don't care much," he said, running a hand through his snow-sprinkled hair.

            "When did you ever, really?"

            "As a matter of fact, there _is_ a part of me that cares, y'know. There is a very kind, wonderful, and pleasant part of me who I think you would be infinitely proud of. He does his work, turns in his essays on time, he's big on responsibilities, and he is also a perfect gentleman." He smiled lightheartedly. "I call him Jack. And—I'm guessing you've already figured this one out—I don't listen to Jack. Most of the time, at least. I personally think that he's a desperate idiot."

            "Right." I said, not able to think of anything to say. "Well I suppose you and Jack have absolutely nothing in common?" 

            "Actually, now that you asked, we do. We're both very good looking. Yep. Absolutely, strikingly handsome. Breathtakingly spectacular."

            It's weird that only yesterday James came to the Head Room and acted absolutely strange, almost shy. But now, he was comfortably nestled back onto his old cocky self, talking to me about how attractive he was. Of course this wasn't entirely untrue but he could at least be modest about it. 

            "And…" he continued, "We also have this other similarity over which we argue all the time. You see…" He ran a hand through his hair. "We're both very, very fond of the exact same person—a very lovely young lady who drives us both mad. Off our rockers. Terribly nutty." I twisted uncomfortable underneath my heavy cloak. "We squabble over her a lot. Which isn't entirely unreasonable once you've seen the girl. She is, in a word, amazing." My knees wobbled.

            "And I know her, don't I?" Perhaps I shouldn't have said that…

            He smiled, eyes gleaming. "Evans, I'll be surprised if you don't."

            I nodded. "I thought so."

            _Why_ doesn't he just tell me? Get to the point and tell me that you—and Jack—fancy me! 

            Then again, maybe he doesn't. Maybe he's not talking about me at all. He could have easily been talking about one of the girls in my dormitory; a close friend of mine. 

            But then he _has_ been asking me out for the past few years. But then he _did_ stop. Not a word about a date from him since September. Probably thought I was a waste of time. A futile attempt. There were, after all, a lot more fish in the sea. Especially for someone like him—Head Boy, Quidditch captain, and an incredibly appealing and intelligent young man who carries himself exceptionally well.

            Now that I do think about it, James finally losing interest in me is incredibly probable. Not to mention incredibly upsetting. On my part, at least.

………

            The pub was thankfully as nice, as cozy, and as warm as always. It was empty except for a few local villagers (who were discussing the Ministry's defense schemes against the Dark Lord), the five of us, and Madam Rosmerta, who jumped up and beamed the moment we got through the door. 

            She paused right in front of our table, took out a chair, and made herself comfortable. She grinned a lovely grin and looked us over. Her eyes bulged enthusiastically when she saw me.

            "Rosie, lookin' good."

            "Why thank you Sirius. I suppose you could introduce me to our guest? I've seen her around I'm sure. Such a charming young lady doesn't go unnoticed. Unfortunately, no proper introductions have been made."     

            Remus smiled. "Lily Evans, Rosie. Lily, I'm sure you know Madam Rosmerta."

            I smiled. She smiled back, her eyes shimmering more vividly. She gave a small chuckle. "A pleasure to finally meet you Miss Evans." In a loud whisper, she added, "I have heard great things about you."

            "Is that so? I should be thanking the person from whom you heard then."

            "Oh, believe me, you should. The young man deserves it. All the times he's been here moping about—"

            James plunked down a couple of galleons on the table. "Right. That's nice. Five butterbeers then, Rosie." 

            Madam Rosmerta gave another giggle and took the galleons before leaving.

            Remus looked at James, grinning. "James, why end a pleasant conversation so rudely?"

            James ran a hand through his hair. "I was thirsty."

            At this Sirius laughed out loud. Peter followed. Remus sniggered quietly. I, on the other hand, watched as James turned to me and felt shamed (yet again) by his friends. 

"They're not normally this obnoxious," he said. "Not Remus, at least."

"Do you think I know what they're so happy about?" I asked.

He stared at me and smiled. "Yes. You know _exactly_ what they're so happy about."

At that point in time, upon seeing the look of utter aggravation on his face, I laughed. Which seemed to have cheered him up a great deal. He smiled at me. It was that normal, human smile I had been hoping for.

I smiled back.

_______________________________________________________

/sniffle/ the reviews were absolutely wonderful…it's people like you who make me feel terribly good that it's not even humanly possible…

**stasiamez** – writing about love in a normal way is one of my goals and I love you for telling me that…

**aurora-borealis** – I'm hoping on keeping it up…I'll have my fingers crossed.

**LogicalRaven** – hehe…there is a Maraudering rule (that I made up just now) stating that a Marauder should try to be inconspicuous _only_ if his life is depending on it…I guess they're just going by the rules…

**duva** – ack, thank you!

**MC** – damn, have I ever told you that I love you? :o)

**Emily-Hardbottle** – exactly…it shouldn't be allowed…

**Kait** – it's good that you like that cause I don't think they'll be hitting it off anytime too soon… or maybe they will… or not… And getting addicted to reviews is completely reasonable.

**spunkygabi** – hope I updated soon enough for you to keep reading.

**iriscristata** - /blush/ thank you… and don't worry, they'll get together… I just can't assure you that it's gonna be soon…

**Diana** – I completely agree with school being appalling… it's horrible. Anyway, thank you. And easy on the Hard Lemonades.

**IeatGlue17** – whoo! I did an excellent job! Thank you!

***The other half of the Hogsmeade visit—or invasion—will be narrated by James, who is currently very, very flustered.


	5. Pencils and Quills

**An Infinite Improbability**

            Luck, in my opinion, is a very unstable bastard. One moment it's offering you chocolate, flowers, and an express ticket to heaven; a minute later it develops fangs and claws, and is beating you over the head with a gigantic mallet. Sometimes, luck offers you the once in a lifetime chance to intermingle with Lily Evans; a minute later you're blushing in indignity and cursing the skies for the blizzard it just gave you.

            Luck has this thing against me. I must have done something hateful.

            I cleared my throat, causing Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Lily to turn and look at me. "Oh, um…nice spell we're having, eh?"

            Sirius rolled his eyes, Remus smiled sympathetically, Peter giggled, and Lily stared, a smile tugging at her lips. "A near blizzard," she muttered, and then shrugged. "To each his own, I guess."

            Remus grinned at us. "We should probably head back soon. Would it be okay though if I buy that present first?"

            Lily looked questioningly at us. "What present?"

            "For his mum," I said. 

            She smiled. "That's sweet."

            I'm giving my mum a present to, you know. It's a thirty-galleon dress. Finely woven and high quality. I'm as sweet as Remus, if not more.

            I inwardly rolled my eyes at my petty thoughts. _Shut up, brain._

            It was a relief to get inside the tiny gift shop, which, thankfully, was warm and relaxing. 

            Lily strode away from where Remus and the others were heading. And I, naturally, being a brave Gryffindor, followed the redhead. She looked up when I stood beside her and smiled vaguely. 

            I looked at what had caught her interest. "Quills?"

            She smiled sheepishly. "I have a thing for quills. It's something different from what I'm used to."

            "Oh," I said, struggling to remember the name of Muggle writing gears. "Tired of…um, _pencils_…?"

            "Pencils and pens, yes. Have you ever seen any?"

            "From afar."

            "I think I have a pencil with me." She dug into her pocket and came out triumphant with a yellow stick in hand. She handed it to me and continued browsing.

            I found parchment nearby and decided to experiment. I looked back at her, confused. "Evans?" 

            She turned to look. "Yeah?"

            "Where's the ink?"

            She bit her lip as she broke into a smile. Why does she always have to keep from laughing? Doesn't she know I love hearing her laugh? 

            "You don't need ink. Pencils have lead. The only thing you have to do is sharpen them every once in a while. And you can also wipe out mistakes with the other end."

            Whoa. "Cool." 

            She smiled. 

            "I can't imagine why you would prefer quills over these babies."

            She chuckled. "If we're talking about convenience, I'd go with a pencil. But quills are appealing. They're very pretty."

            I paused and ran over the short comment in my head. The first sentence would definitely come from a Lily Evans, but the other bits? I mean, did she just talk to me about something pretty?

            I do believe the last thing we talked about before today was the versatility of a chess player. Logical. Before that was about a list of students. Dutiful. Before that was about turning in Transfiguration essays on time. Scholarly. Even before that was about how I was very full of myself. Finicky.

            But now…Pretty?

            I just might be on to something here.

            "Um, yeah," I said. Merlin, I sound so cool! Okay. Should I agree with her, or should I be opinionated? "Actually, I couldn't care less about how pretty they look. I like these pencils. Where can I buy them?"

            She grinned. "I have a whole stack of unused pencils. You can remind me later so I can give you some."

            "Oh," I said, startled. I didn't think she would actually offer to give _me_ some. "There's really no need for that. You may need them for—"

            She waved a hand to stop me. "I'm trying to be nice, Potter. Help me out here."

            I laughed. "Trying, Evans? Can't you do it out of impulse?" 

            Potter…Evans. Are we seeing a pattern here? 

            Hopefully we don't go back to being strangers again before the day ends. I've already gone through so much. All that awkwardness when I'm talking to her; how much I suffered that night we played chess; all the nerves I had to summon when I asked her to come with us here today. 

            If she ends up hating me more again, I swear that I, James Potter, will cry.

            Her smile faltered. Uh-oh. She gazed intently up at me. Those eyes... "Maybe I _am_ doing it out of impulse," she said. "You never know." She walked off to another aisle. 

            I was shocked. If I'm not mistaken, what she just said was…kind. Sort of. I immediately wanted to rush after her…talk to her more. 

            I decided against it and looked around. Quills. They're pretty. Buying one won't hurt me. I am, after all, filthy stinkin' rich.

* - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - *

            We got back to the school alive, which surprised me greatly. The blizzard had gotten fearfully sadistic by the time we got out of that gift shop. In truth, I was ready for any huge gust of wind. I was planning on acting all heroic and shield Lily from it. I _hoped_ a huge gust of wind would come. It didn't. Luck.

            Anyway, we're back, we're overfed, and we're warm.

            The lads and I were sprawled out in front of the fire. Peter was playing idly with a bunch of marbles, Sirius and I were doing nothing, and Remus was trying to get his present to dry. 

            "Bloody thing won't dry up," he mumbled. "I've used of every desiccating charm I can think of."

            Sirius opened one eye to look at him. "Tried the steam charm already?"

            "Yes."

            "How about the heating charm?" I asked.

            Remus rolled his eyes. "That's basic James. I did that first."

            "Why not just set it by the fire? Let it dry naturally."

            We all stared at Peter. Remus smiled. "Genius." He did as he was told then sat on the couch with us, mumbling praises for Peter, who beamed.

            Lily decided to come down at that point in time, carrying a blanket and a thick, hardbound book. She smiled faintly at us and sat a few couches away, curling up and opening the book.

            I watched her. Sirius did too, glancing casually at me during intervals. He cleared his throat and said, "Why sit so far from us, stranger?"

            Lily looked up and smiled awkwardly. "Sorry. I thought it might be a little rude."

            Remus frowned. "Rude? How?"

            "Well, I didn't want to squeeze myself in and disturb your placid little gathering."

            Sirius snorted. "No marauder gathering is a placid one, Lilykins. And you're not sure; we just might be plotting on how to destroy the common room..." He widened his eyes dramatically. "…telekinetically." 

            I chuckled at Sirius and smiled at Lily's lightheartedly raised eyebrow. "Don't fret. We're not."

            "And besides," Peter piped in, startling all of us. "You could've jumped all over the place, pushed us, or kicked our shins, and we couldn't have cared less."

            "Well said," applauded Sirius. He stood up and stretched before yawning widely. "Anyway, I'm off, lads." Lily cleared her throat. "And lass." He winked, and Lily rolled her eyes.

            Remus stood. "Wizard's chess, Pete?"

            "Yeah, sure."

            They gathered the players and board and sat on a table by the corner. They seem to isolate me a lot with Lily nowadays. I should thank them. 

            What's this? Am I back to my confident self? 

            I turned to Lily, who was intently her book. I smiled. She was curled up under the blanket she had brought down, her toes exposed. Her toenails were remarkably clean that it bewildered me. I started to think of what other things she does to doll up. I noticed earlier today that her eyebrows were very carefully carved into a thin seductive line, which made me want to inspect every other part of her face. And body.

            I never got to the body. I'm too courteous to even consider sinking that low. 

            But I have to admit I was very, very tempted. Not that I could have done that with all that fur in the coat she was wearing though.

            Maybe someday…

            "Potter?"

            "Yeah?"

            Her hand came up from under the blanket with a stack of pencils. I walked over to her, took the pencils, and sat beside her. "Thanks."

            She nodded. 

            "I, um…back in the gift shop, I…well…" I took out the quill I bought. I was proud of my pick. It was very slender and lofty, and it was as green as a pair of eyes I always dream of. "I thought I'd give it to you, since…you know…the pencils. Er…sorry it's wet." I guess I'm not back to being confident yet as I can't even _utter a complete sentence without stuttering!_

            She smiled, and I was pretty sure I blushed. "You shouldn't have. But thanks."

            I was just about to ask her what book she was reading, but then I stopped. I really didn't care about the book. I was pretty sure I haven't read it. And I was also quite sure that I have never heard of it. I was never one for the books. 

            I bit my tongue. But then it started to hurt, so I stopped. If I asked her, there really isn't much she could do. She could simply answer, laugh at me, or mock me. But she could also walk away and be distant again. So I guess there was greater risk than I thought.

            But then I'm naturally inquisitive. And I had to know. "Evans," I said, gently aware that I must look really dumb. "What, if you don't mind me asking, would you consider the connection between the two of us right now?"

            She stared at me for a long time. Somewhere during that period in time, I wanted to run, hide, scream, kiss her, and steal her blanket to prop over my own head and shield me from her gaze. They were all quite mixed up. It got me confused and I ended up not knowing which came after which, and which actually happened. And...yeah. But I was pretty sure that by the time she spoke, I looked more bewildered than usual, which was saying something.

            "I don't know. What do _you_ think?"

            Good answer, Lily.

            "I was sort of asking you that."

            She grinned. "Um…acquaintances? Acquaintances on last-name terms." 

            "You think so?"

            "Yes."

            I nodded in agreement, watching her. She looked straight at me and probably decided it would be fun to torture James Potter. She stared, so did I. Gratefully, she averted her eyes before I did. I still haven't gotten over our chess match and I wouldn't have been able to bear it if I lost a challenge as simple as not blinking. I grinned smugly.

            She rolled her eyes. "Stupid piercing hazel eyes."

            I raised an eyebrow. "Are you telling me that my eyes are striking and intense? Passionate, even?"

            "Potter, I did not and would never say anything like that."

            I nodded and tried to smile. "I knew that. I just wanted it clarified." _So I don't get my hopes up too high._

She bit her lower lip and went back to her book, her delicate hands subconsciously playing with the quill I gave her.

________________________________________________

**A/N **I am terribly, terribly sorry I didn't get to update sooner. I know this isn't the best of chapters, but...oh well. Apologies.

**________________________________________________**

**MC **Thank you. I'm trying to finish Darren's chapter. I'll have it up sometime this week, if not later today (I hope). Hope you like this chapter. And have a Sunday-to-go-meeting day!

**duva **Additional expressions of gratitude to you since Zetta found this fic through your list. And goodness, update _your_ fic soon. =)

**child-of-scorpio **Hehe. I don't particularly know which bit with Remus you're talking about, but thank you! Sorry for the lateness.

**iriscristata **I'm _so _sorry I didn't update sooner. Anyway, thank you!

**LJstagflower4e/JCtigerwolf4e **Ah! Thank God you think it's realistic! That makes me so happy. Thank you.

**Cowgirl Up **Poor Jamesie. All these writer's ganging up on him. I've read your fic, and I like it so far. And thank you!

**aurora_borealis **Sorry, no kisses until I think I've aggravated you enough. ^.^ Thank you!

**Kait **Thank you. I'm glad you thought it was funny. Update your fic soon!

**Zetta ***grin* A review without any criticisms from Zetta. I was at school when I saw that review, and I swear the person beside me looked at me weirdly when I squeaked. Thank you. And the happy little comments are _perfectly_ fine.


	6. Presents

**An Infinite Improbability**

            "Padfoot, she doesn't fancy me." 

            Sirius chuckled, mirth in his eyes. "No one said anything about her fancying you, Prongs. Of course she doesn't fancy you." I scowled; he grinned even more, reminding me of my never-ending curiosity of how he ever became my friend, more so the best one. "All I'm saying is she doesn't hate you as much," he continued. "So maybe you should try asking her out again."

            "And feel miserable and rejected all over again? Forget it."

            He grinned. "That, my friend, is a pessimist's delight. You're being theatrical." 

            Remus looked up from his book. "Stop trying to interfere, Padfoot. Let destiny take its course." 

            I snorted. "There's no 'course' to take, Moony. In fact, I would like you all to please discourage me. Tell me I'm just infatuated, even lustful. Tell me that I only want to get her in bed. Then get me a girlfriend. Hopefully that's going to make me realize that nothing romantic is about to happen between me and Evans for the next couple of decades."

            "There's always the decade after that, you know," said Peter, who I frowned at.

            With a gruff voice, I said, "Hand me my wand will you?" to anyone who would listen.

            Sirius did. "Are you going to hex me?" he asked warily before giving me the wand.

            "No. I need to wrap a present."

            "You've already sent out your presents."

            "It's for Evans."

            He smiled, amused. "Didn't you just say there's nothing romantic going on?"

            I rolled my eyes. "This gift does not have anything to do with romance. Can't you see I'm trying to be nice?"

            "Sure." He snorted. "What is it then?"

            I showed him and he laughed stupidly. "You're giving her a bracelet? Is that real? That's real silver! Nothing romantic and you're giving her silver. Prongs, nothing romantic is a bag of BB's Every Flavor Beans, not a silver bracelet, which—" He grabbed the jewelry from me, looking it over with a scrupulous eye for detail. "—quite apparently cost you some."

            "It doesn't matter."

            I saw Remus and Peter watching us with grins plastered on their faces. 

            Sirius continued. "James, buddy, having to pay for something like this and not caring is definitely an indication that you _are_ hoping for romance. I know you know it, too. Quit acting dumb."

            "_Shut_ up."

            He grinned happily. "You told us to discourage you, mate. I'm just being a good friend."

            I sighed and snatched the bracelet, carefully tucking it into its box and magically wrapping it.

* - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - *

            How hard could it be? I'm sure it's not very easy, but it can't be _that_ hard… I mean… I'm over that one time back when I was six when my mum didn't buy me that new broomstick…Comet 150, I think it was called (I have the Nimbus 1500 right now, so I'm pretty happy), or when my dad refused to take me to that game between the Tornadoes and the Falcons, or when grandma didn't give me my Easter eggs because I stole her wand, and who could forget that time when Sirius stole my pretend wand? Got over that like there was no tomorrow. 

            So…I'm sure I'll get over Lily Evans. In fact, I'm willing to bet I've _already_ gotten over her.

            I have gotten over Lily. I mean…Evans.

            I have gotten over Evans. She is a thing of the past. Or rather, she never happened, which is really quite nearer to the truth. 

            _How I wish though…_

            Ahem. I have gotten over Lily.

            No! Evans! _Evans!_ I have gotten over _Evans_!

            Okay… _breathe_. Let's do that again… I, James Potter, have gotten over Lil—

_            Damn it!_

            I grumbled and looked around the dormitory to find something that can distract me from thinking about anything comprehensible. But, as if to further prove that I was fighting a losing battle, I found a picture of _her_ waving and smiling at me. I walked over to my bedside table and put the accursed thing inside my desk drawer, where it shall be safely tucked away from my sight for all eternity. And I mean that.

            But then I saw the pencils she had given me yesterday. I grimaced and picked them up. Without looking, I threw them into the trash bin and walked away, fearing that I will probably be compelled to dig in the trash and pick them up again later.

            Consequently, I began putting away all Lil—Evans memorabilia that I could find in that dormitory. There was that other picture of her that hung over my bed, hid another picture that I kept under my pillow, and got rid of a page of History of Magic notes in her handwriting that I had smuggled years ago. 

            That reminds me…I was pretty pathetic back in those days. Honestly...stealing her notes? _From the most boring class invented?_ That's just lame.

            Anyway, the raid was kept up for a couple more minutes. And, as a last touch, I shoved the present I was going to give her under my bed, amidst a pile of used, unlaundered socks.

            I smiled. Lily-free.

            I mean…Evans.

* - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - *

            Right before dinner that night, Sirius came in and paused in mid-step to watch me. His eyes snapped from me, to my study, my bed, my walls, then back to me. I could almost hear his mind roaring in crazed hilarity. The git. 

            I took a few seconds to scowl at him before going back to what I had been previously doing, which was smoothing out and rereading Lily's 3-year-old notes on Goblin rebellion.

_            Don't.Ask._

            He looked over the 'Prongs District' of the dormitory, scrutinizing every tiny millimeter of change that had happened over the time that he was gone. He smiled upon seeing Lily's Christmas present placed neatly on my nightstand, rewrapped in a cleaner, sock-free packaging with new, more exquisite ribbons. Beside it—where Lily's picture had once stood before my raid—Lily's picture, well, stood. Again. 

            I saw him glance at the portion of wall over my bed, where Lily's other picture hung—once more. He plopped down beside me and casually picked up my pillow. He sniggered happily as he saw the smaller picture of Lily back in its old nesting place.  

            He grinned at me.

            I creased my eyebrows and, attempting to regain my dignity, or at least a tiny bit of it, spoke to my defense. "I was _not_ trying to clear out or erase every semblance of Lily Evans in this room. I was just tidying up."

            He clapped me on the shoulder and tried to look compassionate. He stood up and walked over to the trash, bending down to pick something up. "Sorry, mate." He held up a pencil—a solitary pencil—yellow, sharp, and loathsome. He tossed it carelessly on my desk, to land beside the other pencils—the ones that I did not forget to pick up. "You've done this 'raid' twice before." He grinned sympathetically. "Come eat dinner with us, you pathetic idiot."

            I scowled and grudgingly followed him out. After a while, I blurted out, "What am I going to do, Sirius?"

            He looked at me strangely, then said, "Give up?"

            I groaned. "What do you think I've been trying to do for the past few months? …I just _can't_ do that."

            He stared blankly at me and chuckled. "Then don't, stupid." 

            That made me feel really depressed.

* - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - *

            Christmas morning came just as I expected it to. I was happy, giddy and apprehensive. Happy because of the obvious reason that it was _Christmas_; giddy because Christmas does that to me; apprehensive because I was having second thoughts on giving Lily her present (yes, I have gone back to calling her Lily—in my thoughts at least). But then again second thoughts are pretty useless now because the gift is probably already sitting by her bedside. 

            I shudder upon imagining as to how she would react to me giving her jewelry. There are just so many emotions to choose from—appreciation, happiness, anger, curiosity, denial…rejection? I hope not.

            Sirius tossed a present at me, disturbing my thoughts. He has a knack for doing that. 

            "It's a present from Lily, Prongs."

            My head snapped down to stare at the gift. Ah…a bag of chocolates. 

            "We all got one," said Peter.

            I opened the bag and dug inside for a frog. True that a bag of sweets isn't nearly enough for a bracelet, but it's from Lily so I couldn't care less. I got my frog, but I also felt something smooth and thin in there. I was so sure it was a sugar quill, but I took it out anyway for inspection. I gaped at what I saw.

            I quickly hid it in my pocket, not wanting to overreact. I moved down from my bed to sit beside Sirius, Remus, Peter, and the pile of presents in front of them. I took the bag of sweets Peter got from Lily. After a thorough inspection and many suspicious looks from Pete, I put it down, my stomach tying up in knots.

            I proceeded to check Remus' and Sirius' bags. Nothing odd came out. Both were stuffed with just chocolates and candies. No one else got what she gave me. 

            I would have passed out had Sirius not thrown a series of jellybeans right at my face, effectively distracting me from my heavenly nausea. 

            "What's wrong with you this time?" he asked, unkindly.

            I took out the precious little trinket from my pocket and showed it to him.

            His eyes widened. "Who gave you that?"

            I grinned. I must have looked incredibly foolish. "Evans."

            "Which one?" asked Remus. 

            "What do you mean which one?" I demanded. "Do we know another Evans?"

            "Well, _I_ sure don't, but _you_ might. I mean…_Lily _can't have given you that."

            I frowned at him. "Well what if she did? It was in the bag. I was looking for a frog and I found it."

            "You're really telling the truth, aren't you." Sirius said—more of a statement than a question.

            "Of course I'm telling the truth!" I cried. "Accuse me of lying when I'm lying, but don't you dare accuse me of lying when I'm not!"

            Peter looked curiously up at me. "What?"

            All three of us ignored him. 

            Sirius gawked at the broomstick I held in my hand. "It's beautiful," he murmured. 

            "Let me see that, Sirius," Remus said, his voice soft. 

            Sirius took a couple more seconds before handing it over to Remus, ever so gently.

            "Guys," Peter whispered. "It's only a broomstick. You're all acting very odd."

            Sirius turned to look at him. "Correction, Pete. It's a _miniature Nimbus 1500_. It was very precisely made. The varnish exact and the twigs perfectly aligned."

            Remus sighed. "It's so realistic." He ran a light finger through the slim handle before releasing it. It hovered in midair for a second before rising up and flying on its own. 

            Sirius put a hand to his mouth. "So incredibly graceful."

            I, of course, was deliriously happy and incapable of any form of speech at that moment.

            I stood up and caught it, giving it my very own inspection. It was so tiny, yet so marvelously, inconceivably magnificent. 

            "You have to go thank her, Jamesie."

            I grinned and walked over to the door, confident about the prospect of talking to Lily.

            I paused. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I stepped back, and it was a good thing I did too because if I didn't, the door would have smacked me right in the face as it flew open. 

            Lily Evans, clad in green pajamas, stood at the door, an attractive and irresistible scowl on her face. She held up a hand, brandishing the silver bracelet right at my nose. 

            "What is this, _Potter_?"

            My smile vanished.

_________________________________________________________________

**A/N**  *shifty eyes* I only updated now…because… *groan* I wish I had an excuse but I don't. I'm just crap. Go ahead, hit me. 

_________________________________________________________________

**duva** Yes! I love your fics! They're all incredible! 

**First Light of Eos** Thank you! James will call her Lily…someday. :o) 

**child-of-scorpio** Haha. Thank you. I hope you didn't do anything violent with that pickaxe.

**LogicalRaven** Thank you! I'm glad you like that the relationship still hasn't changed. *winks right back* 

**aurora-borealis** Oh don't we all wish we had our very own quill-providing James Potter? :o) Thank you.

**FadingSlowly** You! *points* I love your stories! I've even attempted to read the French version of "Dancing"…just for kicks. Thank you! Oh, and if I might advertise a bit…I have a Remus fic too. (Titou Moony's reading it ^^) R&R if you have time. :o)

**Cowgirl Up** There you go, an update! Finally!

**Kait **Yay! You updated! I've read it and it was awesome! Anyway, thank you!

**Blabbering** Genius? That was genius? *blush* Thank you! :o)


	7. Bracelets, Broomsticks, and Boats

**An Infinite Improbability**

I might have been slightly amused with the horrified expression on his face when I held the bracelet up for him to see. If I _was_ amused, I didn't recognize the feeling much; I was confused beyond anything.

_Why on earth_ would James Potter give me a bracelet? It's just plainly unnatural and…horrifying. I don't know why, but it is.

It scared me…and yet somehow it made me extremely happy…which scared me even more.

"What is this, _Potter_?" I asked. It sounded uncouth and offensive. I felt bad. I really did.

Why was I angry anyway? He gave me a silver bracelet…with a small lily dangling from the lock. It was beautiful and I loved it. So what was I doing being rude to Potter? Shouldn't I be thanking him?

What is wrong with me?

He gave me a quick frown as he fumbled to put something inside his pocket. He looked back at his friends quickly before staring at me and finally speaking up. "Why don't we step down to the common room and…" He paused, thinking. "…_analyse_ just exactly what it is." He held his hand out toward the wide open door. "Shall we?"

I glared at him and went down the stairs, frowning. What exactly was going to come out of this? When I barged in their dormitory I was so sure that I was angry—even furious—about something. But now that I think about it…I don't really know or understand what it is I should be angry about. _What is it?_

God. I need help.

I stood firmly in front of an armchair by the hearth. Potter sat down on the armchair opposite the one I was standing in front of and eyed me warily. "Aren't you gonna sit down?"

I ignored him and showed him the bracelet again. "What do you mean by this?"

He raised an eyebrow before quirking a smile. He seemed confident and comfortable. And I hated him for that—simply because of the fact that _I_ was inconceivably jittery…which was just puzzling. He stuck a hand into his pocket and pulled something out. I nearly flinched when I saw what it was. He looked at me with a quiet and slightly cheerful curiosity while the broomstick hovered right beside him like a devoted puppy. "What, Evans, do _you_ mean by _this_?" he asked. I wanted to slap that grin off his face. It wasn't a smirk, but it wasn't any better. In fact, in my current situation, any smile is a hundred times worse than a smirk. He shouldn't be allowed to smile.

I huffed and slumped down dejectedly on the couch across from him. What was I supposed to answer to that? I didn't even _know_ why I decided to give him that in the first place. It was expensive, pointless, stupid, and…and…exactly what I thought he would have wanted.

I sighed and looked up at him. I probably caught him off guard or something, because his smugness died suddenly and he averted his gaze. For a while we just sat there, waiting for the other to speak, or for an interruption, something that can save us. _Yes_…that's what we need. A savior.

Well, not really. He ended up breaking the awkward silence anyway.

"Look," he sighed as he looked back at me. "It was just a Christmas present. I know you don't really trust me or anything remotely like that…and a present like this is really fishy…but I assure you that you can relax on this one. It's not a prank; not bribery; not anything destructive. It's just a gift, Evans. I'm sorry if it offended you, or annoyed you, or made you angry—"

"No."

He looked at me expectantly, his eyes questioning. "What?"

I wanted to and was trying to tell him that there was nothing to be sorry about. Nothing at all. But…well, we all know that body parts have their own ways of thinking. Lips, for the most part, are the more disobedient ones. Needless to say, they have, yet again, conspired against me. "It scared me," I whispered.

_What_ am I saying?!

"Scared you?" I could almost taste the confusion and slight amusement in his voice. "Why?"

I swallowed. I shouldn't panic. It's actually kind of a good thing that lips can sometimes work on their own. It's very handy when you suddenly get brain-dead. "It's a drastic change. I don't handle drastic very well."

His eyes danced. "It's not a change, Evans. It's a shot at being convivial." He smiled crookedly and then looked at me seriously. "It's a shot at saying that I'm sorry. For everything," he added as an afterthought.

"And what exactly is 'everything'?"

"Now the answer to _that_ lies in your hands entirely." His eyes were sparkling. "Because I'm sorry for everything that I need to be sorry about. Everything that irked you. For my being a cocky prat, for my hexing people, for my arrogance—" he grinned "—for my hair-ruffling."

I looked around the common room. I was either checking if anyone was eavesdropping, or I was just avoiding his gaze. What he said… It was the most beautiful and terrifying thing that I have ever heard from him. It was definitely not what I had expected.

I jumped when he cleared his throat quietly. I turned my head and faced him apprehensively. I sighed. I had made up my mind. I will probably regret this afterwards, but for the time being, it seemed like the perfect thing to do. I looked back at him, straight into his deep hazel eyes, which were wide with some sort of anticipation. "Arrogance?" I asked. "What arrogance?"

He stared blankly at me.

"Is… is that forgiveness I'm hearing, Evans? Or did you just randomly bump your head on some random wall and randomly forgot about stuff… from the past… that are… random?"

"Oh, stop blabbing. It's a random act of kindness." I smiled a little. "I guess for now, one can say that 'everything' is in fact 'nothing'."

His eyebrows shot up. "Speak my language, please, Evans."

I rolled my eyes. "You've been pardoned, Potter. Simple as that."

He broke into a smile. "See, that's what I thought you meant by what you were saying, but I was only making sure. You're pretty unpredictable at times."

I shrugged. "So why _did_ you give me this?" he asked, gesturing toward the miniature broomstick.

"I dunno. I'm actually still a bit fuzzy on that. I just saw it and thought of how you'd react if you got one of those as a present. I mean… well, you can probably afford the whole collection in one visit to the shop, but I was thinking that it'd be a little more meaningful coming from me—who, as we obviously know, has never really been very kind to you… and is nowhere near as rich as you are. Oh, but I'm not saying that it cost a lot. Wait—actually, it _did _cost a lot. But I'm not saying that it was any trouble. I was just… trying to…" I let out a frustrated sigh. "Whatever."

"Did you charm it?"

"Erm… yes."

He looked at me with a funny smile on his face. "It's wonderful. Thank you."

"The bracelet was amazing, too."

"The bracelet wasn't anything special."

"I thought it was very, very special."

"Oh. You really think so?"

"Yes. Really."

"Well," he said cheerfully as he jumped up from the couch, "I think I should be going back up now to get ready for breakfast." He grinned. "I'm glad you liked the bracelet." He made his way toward the stairs leading up to the boys' dormitories but stopped right after he put a foot on the first step. "Evans," he called out, twisting his head to look at me.

"Yes?"

"You got any plans for today?"

"Uh…no."

"What a lonely Christmas!" he cried. "Tell you what…you go on upstairs and change out of those emerald jammies, eat breakfast with us, then we'll let you experience Christmas Marauders style. Thoughts?"

"Erm—okay."

"Great! We'll be down here in five."

"I won't. I need at least ten."

His eyebrows shot up. "Evans…you take time to primp?"

I rolled my eyes.

He grinned slyly. "Are you trying to—" He stopped.

"What? Am I trying to what?"

"Nothing."

I could feel my eyes narrowing out of their own accord. "Am I trying to _what_, Potter?"

He chuckled tensely. "Well…I was going to ask if you were trying to impress me, but—" He trailed off, looking away.

I felt a skeptical question coming on. "And why didn't you?"

"I – see, I – well – erm –" I noticed that part of his neck was starting to redden. I hid a smile as he continued, more determinedly this time. "I just didn't want to mess up two minutes after being redeemed. That's like getting hit by a bludger a minute into the game."

I smiled a very 'Evans' smile. "No worries, Potter," I said as I turned to make my own way back up to my dormitory to get dressed. "I'm feeling particularly forgiving today. You're still in the game."

He didn't say anything. After a while, just before I was to turn left and disappear from the staircase, he spoke. "Evans…"

I didn't say anything but stopped so he'd know that I was listening.

"Are – are there any bludgers close by?"

I smothered a giggle. "No, Potter. None that I know of."

I heard him laugh quietly before I turned and left the common room completely.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Couldn't get enough of the fearsome four, Red?"

I never liked it when he called me Red.

"Shut up, Sirius," said James.

"What did I do now?! You know, I've come to realize that you've never really been a very good friend to me, James. You ignore me, you mock me, you chastise me, and you tell me to shut up…constantly."

"That's for your own good, Paddy."

Sirius snorted. "Right. Tell me, Jamesie…If I were in a boat, and the boat was sinking, would you save me? Or would you rather save the girl you like – possibly _love _– who also happens to be in the same boat, which, if I may remind you, is quite positively sinking."

Sirius shot _me_ an uncharacteristically sharp look as he finished the question. "So…what'll it be, James? Your best friend or your hem 'maiden in distress'?"

James rolled his eyes as he chewed on some pumpkin pie. "You swim well, Sirius. I'd go for the girl."

Sirius threw me another look.

"Well…what if I _can't_ swim? What if my arms and legs were amputated 3 days before I rode in that cursed boat?"

James looked up at this and seemed to be thinking. Remus, who had been eating his meal peacefully, looked up at the lack of response from James. Peter, too, looked quite attentive. Well, I guess this is turning out to be quite interesting. But I don't really know why he's even thinking. If I were him, I'd save Sirius. He _has_ been his best friend for as long as I can remember. And I for one would _not_ choose some guy before my friends.

Wait. _Wait._ No. Nononononono….

_James_. I've been calling him James. _In my thoughts_ too. Well… I suppose that's better than actually calling him 'James' out loud, but still… referring to him as 'James' _subconsciously_ is bad. It's _bad_.

I inwardly rolled my eyes at my thoughts and snapped back into the conversation.

"—I'm sure Remus – or Peter – is around there somewhere. I mean, we're never really away from each other, are we? I'm sure _they'll_ be able to come to your rescue."

Sirius' mouth fell open in outrage. "I don't believe this! I can't believe you, James! You'd choose Li – I mean – _a girl_ over me?! How _utterly_ ri_di_culous."

Remus shoulders started to shake in silent laughter. James – I mean Potter – was glaring at Sirius. Peter, on the other hand, was looking at Sirius gravely, as if trying to decipher whether he was just goofing around or was actually really angry.

"After almost _13 years_ of friendship? James…you'd abandon me for a girl?"

"Sirius, _you'd_ abandon me for a girl."

"No, I wouldn't! Only a horrible person like you would be able to do that to their best friend."

"Shut up, Sirius," James said, looking back down at his food and playing with it.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Exactly what I was saying. _Shut up, Sirius. Go away, Sirius. Leave me alone, Sirius._"

"Give him a break, Sirius," said Remus. "The young man is smitten."

James snorted, but refused to look up from his plate.

"You're too dedicated for your own good, James. That's one lucky girl."

Remus reached out and patted Peter's shoulder in agreement. "Too true, Peter."

"It's sad though that the girl hasn't been very cooperative. Thus, Jamesie here remains, as I like to put it, lovelessly in love." Sirius paused for a minute to think. "You know… that's actually quite funny. He's in love – I'm assuming – yet he's loveless. But how can he be loveless if he's in love? But he _is_ loveless because he's pretty much alone and lonely – in spite of the fact that he's in love."

Peter wrinkled his nose. "You just lost me, Paddy."

Sirius scratched his head quickly. "Don't worry, Pete. I confused myself halfway through."

Remus laughed and started getting up from his chair. Peter quickly followed suit. As did I, then James, then Sirius.

James slipped in beside me as we were walking back from the Great Hall to the common room. Wait…we just turned left, which is not where we should be heading.

I guess we weren't going to the common room after all.

James cleared his throat and said quietly: "That was quite a vexing breakfast. But that's over. Now…back to that Marauder Christmas that I'd promised…"

* * *

**A/N **Nooooooooooooo! I took two months! I took two months to update! When I first started reading and writing fanfiction, I actually told myself that I would NEVER ever take a long time to update because I myself didn't like waiting because… well, waiting is very unpleasant. Well, it's true what they say: NEVER say "never". Nope. Don't do that.

……I am really, really sorry. Summer's coming up though, so I will try really, really hard to update more… as compensation for all my… erm… crimes. I'm sorry!

I'm not very sure about this chapter. I think it may have been a 2000-word chapter with nothing in it. Just… blah. I need to know what you think! Because I'm agitated! Nyaaaa….

And THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the reviews…. I am incredibly flattered… the reviews for chapter 6 were the most I have ever gotten among all my stories. So THANK YOU! You guys are wonderful.

**auroraborealis** – Nope. I don't think Lily was for the bracelet. I think she was mad ABOUT it. =) And Sirius.. haha… I love Sirius. Thank you and I'm sorry it took long. cringe

**babbling** – Haha. Thank you for the GREAT review! And believe me… I myself wish I'd update sooner.

**beaky22** – Thank you!

**child-of-scorpio **– Haha! I loved your review so much. It was so…. Paranoid. =) Thank you!

**Cowgirl Up** – Are you a mind reader or something? 'Cause I swear…you have the "Sight"

**Drusilla** – You're review made me laugh =) "that is, if she DOESN'T just give him a hug or whatever" Haha…

**duva** – Hehe. I figured Lily had to be stupid every once in a while. Just so we're sure she's human.

**Faerie Lover** – Wow. You actually took time to review all the chapters. Thank you!

**fairy in pink pants** – Thank you!

**FireBringer** – Thank you!

**Hairyhen** – I agree… they'll get there… eventually.

**jaderadcliffe** – Thank you!

**Jaizar Black** – Thank you!

**LilyandJamesLover **- rubs head sheepishly Thank you!

**Living In A Nightmare** – Don't be ridiculous. This fic isn't anything too special. I'm sure you write stuff much better than this. =) Oh and thank you!

**LogicalRaven** – I will never abandon this story! I just…hem…took my time. Sorry! =(

**Lolly O'Neill **– hehe. I'm glad you liked that bit. I was a little unsure of it, actually. Thought it might come out a little lame. But.. you liked it.. so Thank you!

**MonkinO **- Don't worry…you're not alone on the giggling. I giggle EVERYTIME I'm reading fanfiction. I think I'm starting to creep out my friends. Anyway, thank you!

**PhEoNiXReBiRtH** – Thank you!

**Realmer06** – Haha. I actually forget about Peter all the time until I reread the whole thing before I put it up. So his parts are almost always just hastily added in.

**silverblue-eyes** - Thank you for reviewing ALL those chapters. Thank you!

**Tracey** – Actually, the title has everything to do with Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Totally not a copyright infringement. =)

**Twilight66** – Thank you!


	8. Killing Decorum with Snow

**An Infinite Improbability**

When I woke up this morning, I realized that "blizzard" was, quite possibly, a word that was made solely for me and my life. If not _made for me_, it was at least my official word for the week—or the last seventeen years and eleven months—I haven't decided yet. Anyway, I've been keeping a tally for the last four days so far, I've found over a dozen things about me and my life that can be accurately described by the word "blizzard".

First in my list was—what else could it be?—my hair. Not even the greatest mathematician will be able to give me a count of exactly how many times my mum, my grandmother, and all of my many aunts have declared my hair the perfect analogy of a blizzard…or a blizzard the perfect analogy of my hair. Either way, it's a blizzard and we will succinctly leave it at that. James's hair = blizzard.

Then there's the weather. I was born January 4, 1955, which, as my mum had always told me, was an icy day—terribly hazardous and chaotic, just like me. She often used this to explain why I turned out the way I am. _I_ blame my father and Sirius, but if that's what my mum wants to believe, then I'll let her believe that. Blizzardy weather also reminds me especially of the time when Lily went with us to Hogsmeade. Actually, that was only yesterday, but it seemed so long ago. In fact, I think my life only started two days ago. When I started spending more time with Lily, I just completely forgot about everything else before that, so the last two days seemed to just stretch itself out to accommodate the other half that is my previous long-forgotten life. Anyway, James's weather = blizzard.

There's my area of the dormitory, which Remus told me just this morning was turning ever so quickly into a bloody blizzard of bedlam. Remus is a fan of alliteration. James's surroundings = blizzard.

Then there was me talking to Sirius late last night. He was saying something about me being fidgety and brooding. I gave him a concise rhetoric. "Sirius, you do realize that my previously non-existent acquaintanceship with Lily Evans had just shockingly materialized out of thin air two days ago, crippling me momentarily, putting me up high on a bloody pedestal, crippling me again—only much worse and more permanent than before, and sending me and my already unstable mind off on one blizzard of a traumatic ride, right?"

James's life in general (which consists of Lily Evans and a bunch of other stuff) = blizzard.

He had looked at me strangely, like I was going nuts, and asked very quietly if I it was just him or had I really used the word blizzard.

I shook my head and galumphed him with a pillow.

James's life in general (which consists of Lily Evans and a bunch of other stuff) = blizzard.

I think this whole blizzard business may be slowly driving me to the brink of insanity.

I just _knew_ there was a reason why I'd always been so afraid of blizzards. Now my childhood fears are resurfacing at the age of seventeen and are haunting me much worse than ever before. I find it strange yet funny that for more than half of my life, I've been so frightened of something that roughly describes almost everything that has something to do with me.

I think I'm cursed.

On the other hand—the _pleasing_ hand, that is—I'm actually very delighted with myself and with how I've been doing and handling things lately. I knew well enough that associating and trying to become _friends_ with Lily Evans is much, much worse than walking on thin ice, and I've never forgotten that—not one single, bloody minute. And so, as result, I am playing this "let's be civil to each other" game quite nicely. I _do_ know that my actions were mostly…accidental, unplanned, and, well, clumsy, but they're working. Now I don't exactly _know_ if Lily's starting to get used to me being around or anything, but she hasn't lashed out at me in almost a week. I must be getting there.

…Maybe not precisely _there_—wherever that is—but somewhere.

Oh and about that giving up thing that Sirius had suggested…I thought about it overnight and found out that however hard I tried to stay away from Lily Evans, it's never going to work. And so I decided that I am just going to _subtly_ and tactfully throw myself at her and act stupid whenever someone (maybe Inner Voice Jack) reminds me that I am James Potter, she is Lily Evans, and everything in between that was infinitely improbable. Screw that. Acting dumb is one of my specialties.

That's right, people. James Potter is _dancing_—not walking, but _dancing_—on thin ice, in a blizzard, in northern Scotland. But guess what…(more effective if said in an annoyingly smug sing-song voice) _he's wearing a helmet_.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Prongs, I've never understood how _you,_ of all people, came to like _her_ so much. I mean…" Sirius gestured widely at me, trying to get something across but not succeeding. He sighed and elaborated after seeing my bewildered expression. "Look at you…" he said. "You're a marauder. Look at _her_!" Sirius turned to look at Lily, who was talking to Remus about the wall of books that had pleasantly shocked her, with a horrified expression on his face. "I mean, I know she's very pretty, but she's just too…uptight. And she's too smart for you. You've always hated it when someone other than me or Remus and sometimes Peter outsmarts you."

I chuckled. "Padfoot, she's been outsmarting me for the past six years. I'm used to it now. Don't you worry about me."

"But you can't deny the fact that she _is_ dreadfully uptight, prudish, and, well, stuffy. And she does tend to be evasive sometimes."

I frowned at him. "Oh, stop it, Sirius. You don't even know her."

"I don't," he admitted. "But _neither do you_."

I opened my mouth to protest, but nothing came out. My brain struggled for a comeback, but it couldn't find one. It was then that I realized that Sirius was, in fact, right. _I don't _know_ Lily Evans._

I turned to look at Sirius, my mouth still slightly open and my eyes growing wide. Sirius looked smugly back at me. "I don't mean to break your heart or anything, but you do know so little about her, which leads me to my theory of infatu—"

"No, no, I'm not infatuated! And I do know a few things about her," I told him. "I just…need to get to know her a little more." I took a short glance at Lily, who was now sitting contentedly on one of the squashy couches beside Peter in our 'Whatever Room', holding a mug of hot chocolate in her hands. "And look, Paddy," I said, turning back to Sirius, "it's the perfect opportunity."

Sirius rolled his eyes but grinned anyway. "She's still prude," he reminded me.

I glared at him. "She's not _prude_. She's just…not very…carefree. Not like us."

Sirius snorted. "Oh, don't compare her to us, James. We're _volatile_."

I laughed. "Which then leads us to the theory that she just may have the potential to be a good influence on me."

"I don't think so. You're incurable, Jamesie. Anyway…" He nodded toward Lily. "Why don't you go somewhere else? I doubt you'll get to know her with us around." He sported a devilish little smile on his face.

I rolled my eyes. "We're going out by the lake."

"Oh, so you have it all planned?"

"Maybe I do." I gave him one last smirk before I walked over to Lily, steeling and readying myself for another round of breathless talking, done by myself, who I am quite sure will be rendered helpless and will melt the moment she looks up at me with those wide, startlingly green eyes…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"So why are we out here again?"

"You know, I'm not exactly sure. But I'm willing to bet that whatever the reason is, it's all Sirius' doing."

Lily laughed timidly, like she always does when she's around me. It's as if she's doing it on purpose to torture me through deprivation of her majestic laugh. "You two blame each other for everything."

"Oh, well that's…a vital part of…friendship. You blame each other a lot. That's…one of the…foundations of a lasting…amity." I flushed.

I could see her suppressing a grin. "Amity?"

"Er, yes. Or maybe I should've used camaraderie instead. It's…more manly." I might have flushed again; I wouldn't know. My face and hands were numb from the cold and were rendered temporarily unfeeling to any sort of heat.

She nodded briefly, not bothering to hide her grin anymore.

Well, at least I make her happy. It doesn't really matter if she's laughing with me or _at_ me, just as long as she's laughing.

Oh, who am I kidding?

"You know, you've changed a lot." I turned to look at her so quickly I swear I'd broken my neck. I stopped walking and for a moment I stood still, just staring at her. She didn't stop walking, though. She made her way to the beech tree by the lake and leaned on it, breathing tiny wisps of smoke out of her slightly parted lips.

I blinked and followed. "You really think so?"

She looked up and didn't speak for a few seconds, then she blinked rapidly and a look of comprehension planted itself on her pale face. "Oh! That you've changed a lot? Yes! Yes, you've changed a lot. I mean…" She tugged off her winter hat, letting her hair fall down on her face. "Head Boy, Quidditch captain, all NEWTs classes… When I saw you in that compartment on September 1st, I automatically thought that you were going to give me a hard time and be a pain. I should apologize for that. You're doing really great."

I blinked again, sensing that a part of my brain was trying to ponder exactly what was going on here, and the other part trying to remember how to breathe.

So maybe I _have_ changed. That's a good thing, right? She smiled at me, so I just assumed it was. I smiled back. "Remus mentioned that once, but he never said I was doing great. I think he was a bit reluctant to comment."

"I don't see any reason why he should be."

I looked down at her, knowing that disbelief was written all over my face. "Are…are you serious? Like, really?"

She shrugged. "I don't think I've ever joked around with you."

I nodded stupidly. "Right, right. You're right." I paused, figuring out what to say next. "So…you actually think that I'm…better?"

Lily gazed thoughtfully at me before speaking. "Yeah, Potter, I guess so."

I didn't know if that delighted me or troubled me. Of course, I should be happy that she thinks better of me, but I couldn't help but be slightly bothered that we still haven't gotten over the last name thing. I grinned though, knowing that I couldn't have kept myself from smiling even if I tried. She grinned back. We've been smiling an awful lot. I guess that's a good sign.

But I'm not about to throw myself at her just yet. That would be recklessly stupid—a move that only Sirius would be able to pull off.

I rubbed my palms together for warmth before deciding to sit down under the stark beech tree. Lily gasped. "What are you doing?"

"What?"

"You're sitting down on the snow!"

I shrugged as I looked cheerfully up at her. "I was tired of standing up."

"But you'll get soaked."

"Nothing a wand can't fix."

"Aren't you cold, though?"

"Of course I am," I said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Then again, it probably was. Lily looked horrified. I chuckled. "Don't tell me you've never sat or lain down on snow before."

She bit her lip. "I've…stepped on snow."

This was the part where I laughed out loud, and she glared at me. I shut up, and in those few seconds of silence I thought that maybe Sirius had been right about his 'prude' description. I then toughened my resolve and, through the employ of utter Gryffindor bravery, snatched Lily's arm and pulled her down beside me, effectively burying half of her in snow.

She had shrieked loudly and stared at me with wide eyes. What followed then was a rapid succession of piercing declarations of James Potter's repulsiveness. That was when I realized that I probably shouldn't have done that, or that I might've moved too soon. That was also when it dawned on me that my careful (or not) work for the past two days was slowly going down the drain.

There was a brief silence after she'd finished, during which she took time to catch her breath.

I winced.

Then, she laughed.

* * *

**A/N **Well, that took almost a month, but at least it wasn't two, right? Ehehe… This chapter is kinda lame. But you guys have big hearts, I'm sure you'll forgive me. My reviews went over a hundred! O.O That's crazy!!! I love you all.

Just for fun, I decided to call the **Room of Requirement** the "**Whatever Room**" since I didn't think the Marauders would know about its real name unless they'd specifically asked the house elves.

* * *

Thank you, thank you, thank you…

**auroraborealis, babbling, child-of-scorpio** (hope you did well on your exams…and I hope you've lost that axe by now)**, Cowgirl Up, Dimpi **(I don't think I have a favorite Marauder. They're all too adorable.)**, Doll Head, duva, echocamp74** (thank you for telling me about that..I've always been iffy when it comes to tenses)**, errych22, Faerie Lover** (why, thank you! And if you don't mind, I'd rather keep that crime to myself )**, jaderadcliffe, koonelli **(if I knew how to do that, I would've smuggled Jack a long time ago..hihihi..)**, monkinO **(ugh! I'm so sorry you had to do that. I hope you didn't have to do it again. If you did, throw something at me. I swear I won't complain.)**, nat, OLAO, Professor Drusilla W.L.Silvers, Realmer06, Shadowrayne, silverblue-eyes **(unfortunately, there isn't any fanart or this…I'd make some myself, only I can't draw )**, Tracey **(apart from the title, _Hitchhiker's_ doesn't really have any connection to this fic. I just used that title because I couldn't think of anything else and at the time I was writing the 1st chapter, the book was right beside me)


	9. Snowmen and Peculiarities

**Well, well… look at me… TWO chapters in 11 days! That's quite an incredible feat for someone as unpunctual as I am. That's gotta be worth at least half a cookie. :o) **

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* * *

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**Where we left off…**

_This was the part where I laughed out loud, and she glared at me. I shut up, and in those few seconds of silence I thought that maybe Sirius had been right about his 'prude' description. I then toughened my resolve and, through the employ of utter Gryffindor bravery, snatched Lily's arm and pulled her down beside me, effectively burying half of her in snow._

_ She had shrieked loudly and stared at me with wide eyes. What followed then was a rapid succession of piercing declarations of James Potter's repulsiveness. That was when I realized that I probably shouldn't have done that, or that I might've moved too soon. That was also when it dawned on me that my careful (or not) work for the past two days was slowly going down the drain._

_ There was a brief silence after she'd finished, during which she took time to catch her breath._

_ I winced._

_ Then, she laughed. _

* * *

**An Infinite Improbability**

I sniffed softly, not wanting to ruin the rare moment of peace and silence between us. I couldn't help it though; it was cold and I was too uncomfortable. "You know," I whispered, "I think the snow's getting to be a little too much."

"I agree," he said quickly, as if he'd been waiting for me to say something first before he would dare said anything about his own agony. He sniffed, too. "Bloody freezing."

I sat up and sighed with relief. "Another one of your faulty misadventures, Potter."

He groaned and dragged himself up to an awkward sitting position. "But I still won the challenge," he said breathlessly, "in fact, I was buried in snow exactly 3 seconds longer than you were."

I rolled my eyes at him. "And why did I agree to do this '_challenge_' in the first place?"

"You didn't have much of a choice. I'd already buried you halfway. Besides, you quite liked it. You were, as I remember, laughing your heart out." He grinned smugly.

"Shove it."

He chuckled and stood up, offering me his hand. I gave him mine and he hauled me up. "D'you know what the time is?" I asked.

"Reckon it's around 10 or 11."

"Oh. So, uh, what are we doing now?" I eyed him warily as he smiled that mischievous smile of his that I never missed whenever he was out plotting with his friends. Not that I was watching him, though… I was just looking out for any trouble. I _am_ Head Girl after all.

He grabbed a handful of snow and balled it up in his fist. I backed away slightly as he grinned. "I'd suggest a snowball fight, but that's too much action in one day. Goodness knows, you've had enough snow dumped on your body today." He dropped the snowball and rolled it around with his foot as he smirked roguishly. "You ever made a snowman, Evans?"

"Of course I have."

"Good. We're making one."

I tittered breathlessly in relief and walked over to him. His eyes twinkled as I started making a ball for the head. "This," he said, "is going to be the most artistic snowman you'll ever see in your life…"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

James swatted my hand away. "What are you doing?" he snapped incredulously.

"I'm giving it eyes!"

He snorted. "Black eyes? That's not artistic. It needs to be impressive and striking. This snowman has to have personality, Evans."

"Fine." I handed him the two rocks that I'd been about to put on the snowman. He grinned and transfigured it. I gasped quietly as I saw what he'd done to it. "Are those… emeralds?"

James shook his head. "They're not real. But you think they are because it's an _illusion_," he whispered dramatically. "A _good_ illusion at that. No need to be too impressed though. This is basic knowledge for transfiguration masters."

"Oh, please." I rolled my eyes as he stuck the glittering stones symmetrically on the snowman's head.

So far, the snowman looked as far from a snowman as it could get. It was actually more an ice sculpture of a real person than two obese balls of snow put on top of each other like most normal snowmen. Both James and I had taken out our wands five minutes after having promised that we were going to use no magic whatsoever.

The snowman was male. James had insisted. I, of course, knew better than to argue. It was roughly 5 feet and 6 inches tall, with thin, lanky limbs. Everything from the neck down had been finished perfectly. It was in fact too humanlike that I would say it even bore a slight semblance to James, only James is a lot taller than it is. Now, the only unresolved conflict was how the face was going to look like.

It had a nose. It looked a little like James's, only a little shorter. It had pinkish lips that we had charmed from a twig into looking like that—James had wanted pale, ghostly lips but I'd protested and said that a boy with pinkish lips was more likely to be kissed than a boy with ethereal lips (he had blushed slightly and surrendered). It had ears; they were molded after mine because we'd decided that my ears are better than James's. I gave it perfectly normal eyebrows, as opposed to James's pleas of giving the poor snowman a unibrow. I had planned on giving it black eyes, which James had obviously disagreed with before he gave it emerald ones. And now there was the hair.

"I reckon we should give him my hair."

I frowned. "But he's got your nose _and_ your gender."

"And he's got _your_ height, _your_ ears, and _your_ eyes—" he reddened a little at this "—that's three, Evans. I've only got two. So I say we give him _my_ beautiful hair."

"Oh, fine. Whatever."

He grinned cheekily as he plucked out a strand of hair from his head. He stuck it on the snowman's head and charmed it. The trademark unruly black hair slowly crept and scattered aimlessly over the snowman's imaginary scalp. I scrunched up my nose as it started to develop a very strange parallel to James, who gave a gasp of delight behind me as we both watched.

I turned to look at him. "I suppose you're gonna give him glasses now?"

His eyes widened in excitement. "Evans! That's a great idea!"

"What?! No! You can't do that! That's four things derived after you; I've only got three."

He rolled his eyes as he took off his glasses, made a clone of it, and stuck it behind the snowman's ears. He turned back to me and pointed at the snowman with his thumb over his shoulder. "He's a looker."

"Should've been a she," I mumbled.

"Oh come on!" he cried. "Tell you what…we'll give him a book. You like books, right? That's one other quality after you." He waved his wand and snow from the ground rose up and wrapped strategically around the snowman's torso to form a bag. I raised my eyebrows as an indication that I was impressed… just a little. He flicked his wand again and a book stuck haphazardly out of the bag.

I hit James lightly on the arm. "That's _Quidditch Through the Ages_!"

He nodded. "The perfect book for young Pierre."

"Pierre?"

"Yes. He's French."

"No, no, no. I say…" I thought for a moment before proudly saying, "Harold."

James gave a cry of disgust. "That's an ugly name!"

I gave him a cold look. "That's my grandfather's name."

"Oh." He ran a hand through his hair, his neck slowly going pink. "Well…" he sighed, "fine! We'll call him… Harry. That's the farthest I'd go for a compromise."

I grinned complacently in concurrence as he rolled his eyes. He walked forward and inspected the snowman. James raised his wand and made a small whooshing sound as he flicked it over Harry's forehead. I walked over to see what he'd done. I gasped. "What did you do that for?" I asked as I stared at the still-healing scar on the snowman's forehead that looked to have been gashed by the tip of a sword.

"It's a souvenir from one of his vicious battles, Evans, because, as you may or may not know by now, Harry here is a warrior." As he said this, James waved his wand and gave Harry his own fake wand, grasped tightly in his left hand.

"Oh?" I said taxingly. "And I see he's also left-handed."

"No, of course not," James said tartly. "He has his wand on the left because he's gonna need his right hand for this…" He waved his wand again, and Harry's right hand held a long sword made from ice, still tainted with what strongly appeared to be blood.

James grinned happily. "He used that to kill a… a snake… _and_ a dragon. No… _three_ dragons."

I stared at him dubiously before shaking my head and laughing. "You are sadistic."

"I am not sadistic!" he protested.

"The sword has blood on it, James!"

He was about to laugh with me, but he stopped. He instead stared at me with wide unbelieving eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"What did you just say?"

I rolled my eyes. "I said, the sword has blood on it, J—" I gasped. He gasped loudly in return. However, his gasp was more excited than horrified, unlike mine. His eyes were glinting energetically, but he sobered at the look of alarm on my face and quickly lost his smirk.

He walked toward me cautiously and moved to touch my shoulder. He sighed as he carefully did so. "S'okay," he said quietly as I saw a hint of another smile on his lips, "you'll be fine. It's not poisonous."

I looked up at him with wide eyes and he smiled softly. "Let's go," he urged me forward with a gentle push on my back, "the house-elves would've made some cocoa. They always do in winter."

We walked off into the castle, a little over three inches apart from each other. James swiveled around after a few steps to wave at our snowman. "Bye, Harry!" He shot a charm at it with his wand. "That'll keep him there for a while." He looked at me. "Maybe we can visit him with Sirius and the others sometime." He snorted lightly. "I know they'd be _thrilled_ to meet our warrior snowman."

I nodded dazedly and repeated after him as we continued walking, "Yeah… maybe sometime." I looked back at Harry and closed my eyes briefly as I thought about it. _Our_ snowman. It was something that we did together and belonged to _both of us_. And I had called him _James_. …_Out loud._

Things were going perfectly surreal and I was feeling not a notch below weird.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

James and I were sitting beside the fire that night, in the middle of another chess match, when the Marauders exited the common room, saying that they had business to attend to. I found this hard to believe since I knew very well that they were only leaving so that James and I could be alone. In fact, I was a little offended that they actually thought that I would buy their excuses and not notice their stupid little schemes. I almost snorted.

"So…" said James, moving a castle, "about what you said this morning..."

I looked up from the game. "What did I say?"

He gave me a long look before finally speaking. "A word that starts with a 'j', ends with an 's', and is held together by three letters that sound strangely like 'aim', only it's spelled differently—a _sexy_ kind of different. Does it ring a bell?"

I rolled my eyes. "That was a complete accident, I assure you."

"Yeah, I know," he said offhandedly, "but it amuses me. I mean, you just said it like… I dunno… like _blagh_." He made a face as if he were vomiting. I grimaced in disgust. He looked up at me again with that always-present, almost infuriating glint in his eyes. He shrugged. "It was sudden like that. Queasiness and vomiting is sudden, eh?"

I couldn't help from laughing out loud. I put my face in my hands and tried to stifle my giggles, highly amused yet ashamed of myself for laughing openly at one of his juvenile antics, which I am in no position to call juvenile since I found it oddly entertaining. I opened my eyes to see a widely beaming James Potter, eyes alight with glee.

"Well… look who just made Evans laugh," he said wistfully, almost as if talking to himself.

I watched him curiously as he made his move on the chessboard. "You know, I _did_ call you by your first name. Don't you think it'd only be fair that you call me by mine?" I said this very casually and praised myself silently. I was in fact dying to hear him say my name for reasons that I haven't quite unraveled just yet.

He looked up at me and smiled another one of his smiles. "I think that _would_ be the just thing to do. Tell you what… I'll call you by your first name once I feel like it or get hold of some unavoidable urge to do so. For now, you be on your lookout and keep your ears open." He winked before looking down at my latest move. He grinned happily before he nudged his queen and asked it to walk very, very slowly toward my king as he hummed a melodramatic, suspenseful tune. I bit back a shocked gasp as my king fell to his knees. James lifted up his queen triumphantly and waved it in front of my nose. "What can I say, Evans? The queen _is_ THE most versatile player in a chessboard."

I shook my head as I laughed silently. "I don't think I've ever told you, but you're highly entertaining."

He grinned. "Coming from you, that's the best compliment I've heard in years. Although… it _does_ make me sound like a clown…"

"No, it doesn't," I countered. "You don't have to be a clown to be entertaining. You can be just James, and I'll be equally amused."

He leaned back on his chair, a small smile on his lips as he watched me amiably. "Just James…" he murmured and I nodded slowly as I whispered my response.

"Just James."

* * *

**A/N** I'm sorry if the Harry-snowman took up a little too much space for this chapter. I didn't want it to have so long a description, but I couldn't help it. Anyway, hope that was an okay chapter at least. Oh, and… just as a sort of warning.. no.. not really warning, but reminder.. or maybe not 'cause I've never said this before.. but anyway, whatever it is, I'd just like to say that the chapter after this one would be the last chapter of the fic. At first, I thought the story was going to be much longer, but I figured I'd end it in the next chapter. And I do have my reasons, which I'll be explaining and you'll be reading in chapter 10. I decided to tell you now, just so I don't shock you when I start screaming "THE END!!" … or "THE BEGINNING!!" Eh?

**Thank you for the reviews! I love you guys.**

**child-of-scorpio **(Oh, I hate it when computers do that. Well, good luck with that and I hope it's better soon. You gotta give it a little kick and some chastising at times for the evil little spirit in there to calm down and be good. Of course, you should never listen to me. Don't kick it! And by the way, LOVED your new chapter!)**,** **martian doll **(::squeal:: You're my second Pinay victim! I feel so loved. Thank you!)**, Professor Drusilla S. Silvers **(_I_ broke a record? Me?! Wow. I am very, very flattered. Thank you! Oh, and some extra thank you's for recommending me to your dad! (o:)**, Realmer06 **(Haha. I've always thought those kind of things were very quirky… but amusing anyway. Oh, and thank you!)**, Shadowrayne **(Aahh! I rule?! Yessss! Finally! :D Oh, and I LOVED how you put that.. "making him sweat for each small triumph" ..that's sounds so nice.)**, The Black Mage **(In reference to the O's, I have no clue what you're talking about. But tha's okay. All oddities are welcome in my home… or fic. :D Thank you!)


	10. Achieving the Improbable

**An Infinite Improbability**

She hadn't seen me, which was perfect, as I was about to make a quick, silent exit to try and get away from the very person who I couldn't stop thinking about. However, I apparently stood rooted on the stairs a second too long, because at that one crucial second, she tore her eyes away from the dying fire and saw me standing immobile in my nightclothes, staring foolishly at her.

She might have been smiling and she might have been scowling. I wouldn't know. The common room was dark and empty. The curtains were drawn; the fire in the grate was almost nonexistent.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey," I whispered back.

"All right?"

I tilted my head to the side. As far as I knew, Lily Evans has never, in her life, directed those words to anyone who was not a part of her immediate family (with the exception of The Sister), her closest friends, and her... well, that's all of it, actually. But then she _had_ just asked _me_ if I was "all right", in those exact words.

I was either being very lucky, very deaf, or Lily Evans had gone very crazy.

"All right, Evans?" I asked her back, as was the traditional reply to "all right?" At least, that's what Sirius said it was. Now that I think about it, it probably isn't. Well, great. Lily probably thinks I'm a freak now. Thank you, Sirius.

"What are you doing up at this time?" I asked before she could inquire as to why I'd ask her if she was all right without even answering her question first.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "What are _you_ doing up?"

I shrugged back. "Couldn't sleep."

"Same here, I guess."

I nodded in understanding. "Insomnia?" I asked as I moved and made my way towards the couch across from where she was sitting.

"In a way, yes. But I'm sort of a sporadic insomniac. Most of the time, I sleep like a baby."

I smiled. "What's the sleeping issue for tonight then?"

"Mental overload."

I raised my eyebrows, although I doubt she noticed that, what with the weak lighting of the common room. "It's overloaded with what?" I asked, trying to seem only _mildly_ curious. I was dying to know.

She shrugged again. "I'll tell you when I find out."

"Aah, yes," I said, slightly worried at how I'd just sounded a lot like Dumbledore. "The nameless snooze bandit. When you just know there's something on your mind but couldn't, for the life of you, figure out what it is."

She shifted slightly in her seat and grinned. "I see I'm looking at an experienced insomniac."

"Nah. Not really."

"Seems to me like you're well acquainted with the bandit."

"She—_it_ visits me. Not tonight, though. Tonight I knew exactly what was giving me the overindulgence-on-caffeine-like effect. My bandit's very definitive." Needless to say, I was talking about her. I knew she knew that. She always knows. I hate that she always knows. She nodded and didn't say anything about it.

"So what d'you do on nights like this?" she asked.

Lily Evans: Topic-Changer Extraordinaire. I knew I loved this girl for a reason.

I shrugged. "Usually, I just stay in bed and wait for nothing. On rare nights..." I stood up and drew a curtain. The sky was black and cloudless and stars were all over the place. "...like this..." I pointed out the window. "...I stargaze."

"You stargaze?" Her voice was thick with the expected disbelief.

"Yes." I turned to look back at her. "But you are strictly forbidden to tell anyone about that."

She chuckled. I couldn't say it was a giggle. She rarely ever _giggles_. Around me, it's a chuckle, a snigger, a smirk, a tight smile, a scowl, or the famous narrow-eye, which she'd perfected since third year. "Okay," she said. "Is that including your friends?"

"They know, but it's best if you don't remind them, especially Sirius. Remus wouldn't really care, though. He rather likes stars and astronomy. He'd probably even stargaze with me, but..."

Stupid James.

"But what?"

"Uhm... Remus isn't very fond of the moon." And I wasn't really lying. Remus prefers slightly cloudy nights when the moon is covered up and a few stars are showing. As for the moon—full or not—he balks at the sight of it. He'd smite the moon if he could.

Lily nodded slowly. From what I could make out from her face, she looked like she was thinking and was about to make an interesting query. She changed her mind halfway, shaking her head a little, and smiled instead. "I want to go stargazing."

That took me by surprise. "With me?" I asked.

She nodded. "I want to go tonight."

I frowned slightly. "_With me?_" I asked again.

She laughed silently. "Yes. _I want_ to stargaze with _you_," she declared slowly. It took me some time to process this, because only three words were exploding in my brain.

_I.__ want. you._

I began to have visions--much like how people describe it when their lives are 'flashing before their eyes', only my visions weren't flashbacks. They mostly consisted of myself, a scantily-dressed Lily, melted chocolate, whipped cream, a bucket of strawberries, and luscious lips that were programmed to say only the words 'I', 'want', and 'you'.

But then Lily coughed, and reality hit me—as did the phrase _to stargaze with_—and I became slightly disappointed at the realization that no, she didn't want me.

I remembered that she was waiting for a response of some kind. I thought hard.

Staring at stars was one of my most hush-hush activities. I have never, in my life, shared a night of stargazing with anyone at all. I was reluctant at having to go through it with Lily. I love her, sure, but I was different when I stargazed. I'm not very guarded, that's for sure. And I may not be very sane either.

I watched Lily for a long time, and she watched me back.

"Okay," I said doubtfully. "Let's go."

"Astronomy tower?"

"Where else?"

"Well, it could've been different. You ­_are­_ a marauder. You're known to be rather creative."

I smiled. "Compliments, compliments… I'm flustered."

"Don't let it get to your head. You've gone too far to lose everything by being arrogant again."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"You know what's overrated?" Lily said conversationally after having laid out a blanket on the cold, paved floors of the astronomy tower and casting a heating charm around it. "I'll tell you what's overrated. You're overrated. I've always hated that about you."

_Ouch_. I sat down on the blanket gingerly. "I never knew you hated _anything_ about me."

She ignored me and went on. "You know how you can do anything and get everything you want, even if you're not supposed to, and get away with it anyway? I hate that. I especially hate how everyone, even with the knowledge that you're a notorious wrongdoer, admire you for it. It's senseless and illogical. I hate how you radiate such overconfidence and self-importance all the time. And how you can sometimes go from being a git to an actual human being, who can—in all honesty—be rather charming if he wanted to." She sighed. "You're too confusing, for someone so shallow."

What was that? An outburst?

"I'm not confusing," I told her. "_And_ I am NOT shallow. Watch your mouth. You just think I am because you don't know me."

"Well, here's the perfect opportunity to get to know you." She smiled impishly. "It's quiet and calm. We're alone and no one's going to interrupt. And I'm sure we're both slightly sure that we're in good enough terms at the moment to prevent us from quibbling or me from hitting you. Explain yourself to me now, James."

I made two notes in my head:

1. _She's really serious about the first name thing._

2. _We're ALONE. NO ONE is going to interrupt. We are on GOOD enough terms. _

How I wish I hadn't shivered in glee, because she looked at me very strangely just then.

"Okay." I nodded at Lily. "Let's have a talk. I've always wondered about you. See, what I don't understand is why, for all the years I've known you, you've devoted yourself to forever be the bane of students' happiness. I don't get it."

She frowned and I heard someone inside my head telling me that I was starting a spat, which isn't good, but at the same time I felt exceptionally relieved. She was scowling at me, and she was about to snap back. Just like the old days. I missed fighting with her so much I could have whooped with joy.

"What _I_ don't understand is why, for all the years I've known you and your pawns, you've devoted yourselves to forever be the bane of _my_ life and _my_ responsibilities of rule-implementation."

I could have laughed. "First off, you shouldn't answer a question with another question. It's not nice. Second, my friends are not my 'pawns'. They are my comrades-at-arm. I may be considerably cuter, yes, but I am no greater than them. We are all equal. And thirdly… _rule-implementation_? Why are you like that, Evans? You know, you'd have great potential if you'd only stop being so… you. You're uptight. A wet blanket."

"I'd like to tell you now, Potter, that unceremoniously calling a person uptight to their face is not very nice. I'll let it go, but you shouldn't ever do it to anyone else. And you're a hypocrite. You answer me with questions all the time. And just so you know, I'm only following the rules." She stuck her nose up in the most infuriating way she could. "I'll also ignore that arrogant side note about you being cuter and say that it's very noble of you to not consider yourself better than your friends."

Again with the compliments, which I then ignored, but did a happy dance for hours later. "You're only seventeen," I told her. "Every once in a while you should just forget about everything and not care."

"What are you saying?"

"Well, I'm not asking you to be like me or Sirius. Heck, don't even consider that. We're reckless, scruffy bastards. All I'm saying is that you should take advantage of your time now, before you have to leave Hogwarts and actually_ be_ out in the real world where you really have to take things seriously. Try to have some fun, is what it is, Lily." Such a sage I am. Such a _first-name_-calling sage.

"I do have fun. I'm happy. Just because I follow the rules doesn't mean that I never enjoy myself." She'd definitely said that for the sake of herself.

"So you do have fun. Sometimes. But maybe you should be more spontaneous. Actually, not even spontaneous. Just, you know… surprise everyone. Don't smooth your robes so much; wear socks that aren't white for once; wear a bright, bead bracelet; loosen your tie; forget to pin your badge on; eat your waffles with your hand; charm your ink to a different color; laugh out loud in the hallways; put stickers on your bag; fold a page in one of your books; paint your nails bright; walk around the common room barefoot; giggle; hum while you're doing homework; get on a broom; walk outside when it's drizzling; throw snow at someone. Honestly, Lily, just _be_ seventeen."

I held my hand up to her hair and tugged at what was holding it together. It was The Scrunchie. The insufferable scrunchie (which I've taken to calling Luigi because it looked very Italian) that has taunted me every time I stared at the back of Lily's head in class and dreamt of running my fingers through her fiery red locks.

"…Let your hair down."

It was a wonderful excuse to finally touch her hair. I was sure she knew about my concealed motivation, but she chose to say nothing about it. She just rolled her eyes at me and allowed me to pocket the scrunchie (which I will probably creepily sniff later, like I once did with her pillowcase, which I still have and will never return). The hint of an amused twinkle in her eyes was unmistakable, though, and I was exhilarated. Oh, The Eyes. And she had the most beautiful hair I'd ever seen.

If she ever dared to tie it up again, I'll be sure to steal all her hair things.

I stared at her for a moment and wonder if I ought to risk the ceasefire we'd both reached and the glorious, undeclared alliance. More so, I wondered if I should be risking that achievement of achievements for something that was not, in the least bit, guaranteed. Something that I really wanted, but am not exactly certain I'm allowed to have. I was so unsure that I could've cried out in anguish.

All the same, I asked her, regardless of all the possible horrid outcomes, or the hundreds of arguments forming in my head. Somehow, I felt like I _needed_ to ask her.

"If I kiss you," I started in an uncertain, bare whisper, "would you slap me?" I hadn't meant for it to sound comical, but it did. She kept a straight face though. So did I.

She stared, mouth slightly open. "If I told you I would," she whispered back, "would you?"

"If you told me you wouldn't, I'd definitely kiss you. But if you told me you would… well, I'd kiss you anyway."

"So why ask in the first place?"

_Touché._Nevertheless, I still have my reasons…

"See, if you told me you'd slap me, I'd kiss you as quickly as I could because I have very limited time until the arrival of the inevitable smack, which, by the way, can really sting. If you told me you _wouldn't_, I'd kiss you slowly… and I won't rush… and I'll savor every single, glorious nanosecond of it. Every second would become a memory of its own. It'll be warm and soft and… delicious." I coughed lightly as I felt my chest constrict and my stomach wobble. "I'd kiss you the way I'd planned six years ago." I swallowed hard and bit my lip as I most definitely blushed and looked down, up, left, right—anywhere but straight at Lily.

"You have it planned?" she asked in a somewhat amused yet uncomfortable tone of voice.

I looked up at her, hopelessly caught. "Actually, when it comes to you, I have everything planned. Rather subconsciously, I must say, but yes, everything's premeditated and deliberate."

She looked up at me with unbelieving eyes. "I thought the planning and scheduling—the feeling that everything has been pre-rehearsed—was what you didn't like about me."

"That was something I wanted you to not be so _accustomed_ to, but I never said I didn't _like_ it about you. At least, I don't think I did say that. If ever I did, be assured that I didn't mean it.

"I think part of why I can't get rid of you is because you're everything I'll never become. You're too good—great.

"Besides," I added quickly, "this is not about you, Lily—not everything's about you. This is about… _us_. My dreams and my fantasies, which, well, which are basically all you… so this _would_ be about you… But then again, they're about you _and_ me _together_, so I guess it's not all you, after all. It's more 'us'."

There was a long pause—utter silence—during which I fidgeted interminably, and she stood still as a board.

"Don't stare at me," I begged.

"Why not?"

"I feel like I'm being dissected and scrutinized, which I probably am. But honestly, at least stare at me and make me uncomfortable ­after you've given me an answer. To the very first question, I mean. I dunno… maybe you've forgotten about that question already."

Again, silence.

"Lily…" I insisted, sounding a little desperate.

"I like that you're calling me by my name now."

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Stop changing the subject please… If I kiss you now _would_ you stop me?" I said persistently.

"I wish I could say yes… but… I really don't think I would."

I imagined my eyes popping out and my ears falling off with elation.

"If I kiss you," I said again, "would you run off afterwards?"

She sighed. "So many questions…"

"I want to make _sure_. You running off _after_ I kiss you would cause me considerably more pain than you stopping me _before_ I kiss you. It'll be like throwing me into hell after a prelude of heaven. That would hurt a lot, Lily. I like to think I'm tough, and that I'll be able to handle that, but it would hurt a damn lot. My feelings are overly sensitive where you're involved. I don't want you to break my heart."

"How is it possible for me to decline now?"

I smiled a little. "That depends," I whisper. "Were you going to say 'no' in the first place?"

She looked nervous and twitchy, but then she smiled most impishly and asked, "Was I just figured out?"

"Maaaaybe," I cooed. "I think you just surprised me. Perhaps I got my point across."

"Point…"

"The point that recommends you do things that you don't normally do. Like… me."

She laughed. "That is pushing it too far. I would never _do_ you. I'm just letting you kiss me." I took her hands in mine. "Once," she added.

I shrugged. "It's a start."

And that… that was the last thing I said before I leaned in and kissed The Girl. Before I kissed her very slowly, with no rush, and every single, glorious nanosecond was savored. Before every second became a memory of its own. Before everything around me, and everything I could feel, became warm, soft, and absurdly delicious. Before I kissed her the way I'd planned six years ago, when every other girl had been infected by a horrible plague of cooties, except for The Redhead.

We parted after some time. I wouldn't know how long the kiss was. I was dizzy. Doubtless, I would've fainted had I not been so buff and manly.

I took a deep breath. Several deep breaths. And more.

"Is something wrong?"

What was I doing! It was not the time, nor the place, to be hyperventilating. She probably thought I was a freak.

"You're still here," I said breathlessly.

"Did you want me to go?"

"I'm not dreaming."

"No, you're not."

Wheeze… wheeze…

"I'm a horrible kisser," she said. "Aren't I? You're disappointed. No one ever told me I was a horrid kisser. I could sense it though."

I looked up, slightly in control of my respiratory system, and laughed. Or choked. Laugh-choked.

"Heavens no. Lily…"

"Stop laughing at me. I hardly find it funny."

I stood up straight, commanded my organs to stop messing about (funnily enough, they obeyed), grabbed Lily's arm, and pulled her roughly towards me. "I am never," I whispered, "_never_ kissing another girl ever again."

She laughed, her voice muffled slightly by my shirt, to which she was pressed firmly onto. Heaven. "You got me to kiss you after four days," she said, looking innocently timid. "I hope you don't think I'm easy."

"Christ. I've been pining over you for years, Lily. It was the least you could do for my wasted heart."

"So what'll happen now, James?"

"Mm… I dunno. I think maybe I'll kiss you again." And so I did.

And that moment—at 3:18 in the dark morning of December the 26th—was the very moment that I spat at Infinity's face and ran my fingers through the bare skin on Lily's back… if only to make sure that Improbability got the message, too.

Naturally, the next day was spent arguing over what had really happened in the Astronomy Tower. Lily insisted that I was merely dreaming (or drunk), and I yelled for her to shut up. She did, and I felt like an insurmountable jerk. So I apologized and we kissed. And everything was forgiven. Then we went to sleep, because we realized that there had been a certain lack of it in the last 24 hours. I insisted that we sleep on my bed, but she reminded me that she still hated me and that I should stop being so hateful. I laughed and kissed her then—twice, actually—and told her that she was the most adorable human being I'd ever met. She told me I was infatuated. I told her that yes, maybe I was. And of course, I _was_ infatuated, and I never did stop being infatuated. I never could. If I had to give it a name, it would've been Infinite Infatuation, which always made me laugh. I didn't call it that though. I'd already once spat on Infinity's face, and Infinity wanted nothing to do with me.

That, as we all know, is a good thing.

**Just starting…**

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**A/N** I hope you liked it! Thank you to everyone who read this—whether you reviewed or lurked (which I do a lot). :-) I love you all.


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